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The Daily Tar Heel
Pit Talk

Being left-handed in a right-handed world

Are you left-handed? Then you’ve come to the right place — or rather, the left place.

As lefties, we face many daily struggles due to underrepresentation in society. We are the minority, that’s fair, but it's always nice to find a way to stick it to the man while you’re finding your way around our backwards world.

When you can’t find a seat in class: You are entitled to the left-handed desk, usually found on the end of a row. You need it. You have the power to kick someone out if they aren’t one of us. I had to take the PSAT on a right-handed desk and I still believe that’s why I have to pay for college. If there isn't a left-handed desk in the room, leave. 

When you try to cut in a straight line and it looks like a scraggly mess: You’re using right-handed scissors. The world is truly out to get us. The solution is simple: If you need something to be cut, get someone else to do it for you. You can also apparently buy left-handed scissors, but I'd prefer to bank on the sympathy of others.

When you use a spiral notebook and it destroys your hand: As much as I love those good ole UNC spirals at Student Stores, it’s time to bring out the binders and take notes on loose leaf. It’s important to make sure to slam the binder clips closed as loudly, and as often, as possible. Throw all of the righties with their spiral notebooks some shade.

Another option: Take a page from Leonardo da Vinci’s book, literally, and try writing right to left.

When you decide you might want to use a can opener: Probably just don’t. I have a can of corn in my pantry that will likely never get used because it’s simply too traumatizing.

When you have a cute coffee mug but no one can read it because the design is facing you: I hate that. We’ve got a couple options here. Buy a mug that features the clever phrase or image on both sides, or buy a mug made for us southpaws. Yep, they exist. 

source:strongmindbraveheart.com

When you’re constantly bumping elbows with someone during dinner, class, or any time you sit next to anyone: Try to sit on the outside of the table; this makes for a quick escape. Another option: Sit with another leftie. We have to stick together!

When someone sees you writing and asks, “are you left-handed?” Say no, and then continue to write with your left hand. Ignore further inquiries.

When someone mocks you for being left-handed: Okay, first of all, give me their name. I will find them. Second, like all of the greatest minds in the world were left-handed, including four of the last five presidents, and almost the whole royal family. We are an elite class of right-brained thinkers.

Some things to avoid: Card readers, ball point pens, video games, guitars, baseball mitts, scissors, can openers, any notebook, pencils, ice cream scoops, civilization in general

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