Sometimes, the “You Asked for It” advice submissions just aren’t fit to print, but we believe that even your most odd… or lengthy… or seasonal… or strangely sensual questions deserve answers.
You: I want to send out holiday cards, and you guys seem pretty funny. Will you write me a poem?
YAFI: We’re fresh out of poems but here’s a Christmas (w)rap:
There’s mistletoe in that tree by Lenoir
Is it creepy? We’d say that’s debatable!
The frats are stockpiling their classy decor,
Could a “Deck the Halls” joke be relatable?
In the Union, you’ll build a gingerbread house,
It’s fun for, like, thirty-five seconds.
Everyone’s got an awkward Yule blouse.
The urge to mock hipsters — it beckons!
This time, oh, it brings such great tidings of joy,
Basketball season so fun I could cry!
Much love for our faves, sweet Marcus and Roy,
But a big lump of coal for Ms. Boxill — like, bye!
So now we must wish merry happy to y’all,
Though we’re not-just-quite-even past Thanksgiving yet.
Happy Hanukkah, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, et. al
‘Cause if editors print this, then we win a bet!
To read more advice about getting ready for the holidays, check out our weekly column here.
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.