Drew Goins (Drexit) and Kelsey Weekman (Kegs-Hit) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: How do I prepare for my oral presentation at the end of the semester?
You Asked for It: Have a friend time you and forget to give you a two-minute warning, because your professor will 10-out-of-10 do this. Should you be under time, pause to ask for questions after every sentence.
Create abbreviations for all your words. If the whole of the European Union is allowed to talk about the Brexit, you can truncate “topographic position index” to “TOPO.”
Do the presentation without notecards. Stare without blinking at your speech for the three hours leading up to class so that it does that thing where it imprints on your eyes and you can see it wherever you look.