Alison Krug (smart) and Kiana Cole (Morehead Pain) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: I’m a part of an almost 124-year-old newspaper that I care about a lot. How do I keep it financially stable?
You Asked for It:It’s important to get creative when you find yourself, or the newspaper you spend 80 percent of your life dedicated to, in financial distress. Sure, there are business classes right here at UNC that say “strategic” three times for a magic genie to appear and dish out those really big checks, but we’ve created our own fundraising initiative. Pick a donation level from below and contribute to the proliferation of UNC’s premier (only!) now sellout satirical advice column.
Friends of YAFI: Buy our merch! For $20, you can buy a YAFI shot glass, a YAFI flask in three sizes, a YAFI thermos or a YAFI Tervis® Tumbler. They’re the same as regular shot glasses, flasks, thermoses and Tervis® Tumblers, just with our smiling faces and a big ol’ thumbs up.
Acquaintances of YAFI: For $12.75, Alison will cross stitch the UNC crest on the front of the course pack of your choosing.
Class Friends of YAFI: For $7, Kiana will write an acrostic poem about you.
Suitemates of YAFI: For $40, Alison will read one chapter of her Shaquille O’Neal fan fiction about Shaquille O’Neal writing fan fiction about Shaquille O’Neal writing “Space Jam” fan fiction to you (or mail it to the UNCelebrity of your choice).
Frat Bros of YAFI: For $800.05, YAFI will write a letter of recommendation for you for the Order of Gimghoul (or a UNCecret Society of equal or lesser value). Actually, delivery of said letter is not guaranteed, and YAFI will require a donation of stamps, stationery and an oil lamp with a flickering flame to write by.
Enemies of YAFI: For $1,895, YAFI will engage in a long-running blood feud with you. For a $5 million bonus, we will spend three years cultivating a deep and meaningful friendship with you before beginning to sow the seeds of discontent. After rumblings of disaffection are a’brewing, we will move into the full-fledged period of character assassination and compliments you’ll be, like, 80 percent sure we don’t really mean. Next we’ll burn your crops, make barren your fields and refuse to share our Google doc study guides with you.
YAFI presents … merch?
Want to support You Asked for It, UNC's premier (only!) satirical advice column? Check out our merch, available sometime, possibly!
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