Alison Krug (recovering from jaw surgery) and Kiana Cole (not addressing her cavities) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: How do I stay awake during class?
You Asked for It: In addition to going to class, microwaving SpaghettiOs and strictly abiding by the College Code™ of never making our beds, we as students keep ourselves awake and alive, which seems like an accomplishment we should celebrate.
So don’t feel bad when you fall asleep in the middle of class because your professor is now on his 14th minute of trying to find his own Twitter. Instead, adopt simple strategies to stay alert.
Play a drinking game! It might make you a rowdier classmate, but at least your professor will know you’re awake. “Drink every time your professor references the textbook she wrote with affectionate maternal pride” is sure to keep you lively.
You: How do I dress for this wild weather?
YAFI: It is a(n inconvenient) truth universally acknowledged that a student in possession of a long walk to class must be in want of advice on how to dress for ranging temperatures. It’s time to bring back convertible pants that zipped into shorts — the ones cool kids wore in elementary school and weird kids wore in middle school.
Tired of piling on mittens and a hat and a scarf in the morning, only to have to take them off and lug them around by noon? Invest in cold-weather attire that is disposable/edible. Carry around a baked sweet potato, fill your pockets with warm cough drops and insulate your entire body by stuffing dining hall cookies into the seams of your Hinton James re-enactor costume.
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