Kiana Cole (worked on a documentary over break) and Alison Krug (watched “Moana” twice on a flight) are the writers of UNC’s premier (only!) satirical advice column. Results may vary.
You: My Spring Break was really boring, but my friends did really cool stuff. What should I say to impress them?
You Asked for It: While Suitemate Suzie used her Spring Break to research DNA repair systems in cancer cells with Nobel Prize-winning, UNC-Chapel Hill chemist Aziz Sancar in the Amazon Rainforest, and while Classmate Carl was mapping out how his undergraduate thesis on game theory models of microeconomics in Prussia from 1525 to 1527 is going to look, you napped a lot and went outside once to get your pizza.
You were doing research, too.
How many pictures of your friends in various picturesque countries can you scroll through before your head explodes?
How many times can that “Are you still watching?” Netflix notice pop up before you throw your computer at the wall?
If all else fails, make up your own version of Spring Break.
The sheet marks that now seem permanently engraved in your face?
They’re actually scars from a fight with a lion during your African vacation!
You: My Spring Break was really great, but all my friends did really boring stuff. What should I say to impress them?
YAFI: You might think it’s rude to constantly remind your friends, family, professors, TAs and RHA-approved pets about every detail of your vacation when you know they just stayed home.
But how will all your friends know you’re Spring Broken if you don’t share?
Use the vernacular of where you vacationed to let your friends know you really became a local.
If you vacationed in England, say “lift” and “fish and chips!” If you vacationed in Canada, say “syrup, eh?” and “aboot, eh?” and “Watch out for that moose, eh?”
If you vacationed in the Midwest, say “whirley pop” and “Ma, the cow’s escaped again!”
Let them know how cultured you are and how you learned how to say, “Je veux un café and uhh also I would like a croissant please thank you.”
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.