S&M (sadism and masochism) references abound in popular culture, from racy rom-coms to Rihanna music videos. But psychiatric medicine seems a little behind: “Sexual sadism” and “sexual masochism” are still diagnosable mental disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the current list of mental disorders and criteria published by the American Psychiatric Association.
So does being kinky really mean you’re crazy?
The term “BDSM” refers to a variety of bondage/discipline, dominant/submissive and sadomasochistic behaviors, which may include pain, pleasure or both. These practices are often referred to as “kinky,” since they differ from what most consider normal sexual behavior.
But kink is or is becoming more mainstream. As far back as 1953, Alfred Kinsey found that 12 percent of women and 22 percent of men felt an erotic response to S&M stories. Janus found 11 percent of women and 14 percent of men have engaged in some form of S&M.
Discomfort toward BDSM usually stems from disbelief that pain might be enjoyable, from uneasiness around consent or from concern about safety.
Some people can like pain or even feel pain as pleasurable. It’s like picking scabs or getting a deep tissue massage.
As for consent, most BDSM practitioners are meticulous, even painstaking, in negotiating terms of consent before any sexual play. For example, “safe words” are used to stop unwanted play.
BDSM practitioners are also careful about safety. Acronyms like SSC (safe, sane, consensual) or RACK (risk-aware consensual kink) are used as guides.
BDSM is part of the whole spectrum of sexual activity and interest, ranging from tickling and ear-nibbling to whips and chains. The goals are the same, pleasure and intimacy. This is bondage as a form of bonding.
