(10/02/00 4:00am)
Although the frankfurter originated in Germany, we have long since made it our own, a twin pillar of democracy along with Mom's apple pie. -William Zinsser Last week, I decided to drop by the Study Abroad Fair and reminisce. I had last visited this exhibition my sophomore year and subsequently decided to study in Berlin the fall of my junior year. At about this very time last year, I was walking around somewhere in downtown Berlin without a care in the world. It was probably the best semester of my entire life, but there are some things to be said about Germany. So, for those of you who are considering studying abroad in the fatherland, here are a few points to keep in mind: 1. Everybody smokes. They smoke in the car, on the train, in restaurants and in the supermarket. Hell, they even had a smoking section at the gym where I worked out. Hanz and Franz would be sucking on their cancer sticks between sets of bench presses. 2. You, as an American exchange student, will inevitably stick out like a Yankee at a grit-eating contest. This particularly pertains to guys. This is due to the fact that German men practice a strange dressing ritual that usually involves tight, white jeans, some type of chest-hugging sweater and what I like to refer to as "elf shoes." Needless to say, I didn't exactly blend in when I wore my loose fitting Levis, T-shirt and baseball hat. 3. There will be techno music - lots and lots of techno music. Every bar or dance club that you walk into will play this genre of music as if it were required by law. There is only one exception to the techno music rule: David Hasselhoff. Indeed, the former "Baywatch" stud is equivalent to a deity in Germany. If you have never actually heard Hasselhoff "sing," I would recommend listening to a song or two before heading over to Germany in order to better prepare you for the shock. The "Hasselhoff factor" can be quite dangerous, and the Study Abroad Office has now included a set of earplugs along with their Studying Abroad Safety Manual. 4. There is no smiling in Germany. After smiling at members of the opposite sex for several weeks and receiving no return smiles, I began to doubt myself. Surely I wasn't that repulsive. I decided to ask a local man. I picked out a friendly looking fella who was wearing tight, white jeans. Apparently, if you smile at a woman in Germany, it means you want to throw her down right then and there and begin the reproduction process. So keep your smiling to certain limited situations. (Like when you feel the need to reproduce.) 5. The restaurant experience is not fun. Aside from the second-hand smoke, the service rivals that of Lenoir Dining Hall. The waiter or waitress will come to the table once, take your order, return with your food, and that's the last time he or she will be seen until the bill is presented. It's borderline offensive to ask for anything you might need, like a refill. If a Coke is ordered, it's served in a short, thin glass, at room temperature, with no ice and a lemon. That isn't a Coke; that's a cocktail. Nevertheless, it's the only one that will be served, so it has to be rationed. The water isn't any better. All the water that's served is carbonated, the Germans thinking that natural water only should be used for watering plants. In other words, be prepared for dehydration. Perhaps the most disturbing thing is the lack of apple pie, that very thing that an American holds near and dear. I went an entire semester without a piece of apple pie. It wasn't easy. 6. The toilet paper is disturbing. When I first saw the thin, grainy, brown material, I had my doubts about its ability. I was right. I now refer to it as "John Wayne toilet paper." In other words, it's rough, it's tough, and it doesn't take crap off anybody. 7. Oktoberfest is the greatest thing on Earth, even better than the male/female ratio at UNC. If Germany has one redeeming quality, it is, of course, the beer. There is no better venue than Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany, to showcase the best beer in the world. Indeed, nothing, and I mean nothing, quite compares to thousands upon thousands of beer-guzzling drunk people, walking around in lederhosen, singing Bavarian songs at the top of their lungs. Go to Oktoberfest. Drink the beer. Take pictures so you can remember. While we are on the subject of beer, this offers a clear alternative to the carbonated water and Cokes in the restaurants, because the beer is actually cheaper than either one. Berlin was indeed a great time for me. I met a lot of great people, learned a new culture and saw a lot of new places. I also remembered why I love apple pie and baseball, and why David Hasselhoff should stick to "Baywatch." Wesley White is a senior history and economics major from Lenoir who considers himself one hell of a model American. Send apple pie recipes to wsw@email.unc.edu.