Satire: “I didn’t get a ticket to the Duke-UNC game and I’m OK”
Editor's Note: This article is satire.
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Editor's Note: This article is satire.
Editor's Note: This article is satire.
Editor's note: This article is satire.
Editor's note: this article is satire. You’re on campus one Wednesday afternoon, and something feels off. There’s a rare energy in the air — Gucci perfume with hints of Lululemon — and low whispers of Greek letters seem to be echoing from all corners of the Quad. You’ve been camped out under a tree for hours trying to finish up an assignment, but suddenly, even in the September swelter, every hair on your arm is standing up straight. You feel uneasy and apprehensive.
I touched down on American soil in mid-May, after four months of studying abroad in Barcelona. Everything was different.
Editor's note: This article is satire.
Right when you’re about to give up, you see it — peeking out from a pile of SHEIN and H&M, a faded gray sleeve and a hint of Carolina blue stand out from the rest.
We all have our own fight or flight response when we sense danger. Some prefer to run at the first warning sign, while others stick it out and clench their fists. This instinct is as innately human as it gets.
There’s a new scholarship in town. It’s prestigious, but not snobby. It’s selective, but not inaccessible. It’s renowned, but not vain.
As we return to campus this fall and start wondering if we will like the classes we’ve enrolled in, it’s inevitable to ponder the good, the bad and the ugly.
Editor's note: This article is satire.
It’s a stressful time of the year. With LDOC steadily approaching, I know you’re all worried about finals, projects and summer plans. Study groups are organizing, library rooms are filling, GPA calculators are…well, calculating. It’s safe to say that nerves are high all around.
It’s the most stressful part of the year.
My mom always told me there were lots of fish in the sea. And in a way, she was right.
Editor's note: This article is satire.
You pass it every day. It’s bold, big — its white exterior screams for attention. It’s protective, nurturing, but ultimately unnecessary.
Tired of taking a stroll in the park? Inhaling a breath of fresh air on a cool spring day? Sharing a meaningful hug with a friend? Well, you’re in luck — we’ve found a brand-new app that can replace these core life moments with a more honest, social and memorable portrayal of your reality: BeReal.
Editor's note: This article is satire.
Editor's Note: This article is satire.
Editor's note: This article is satire.