Editor's Note: Hannah Jones writes comedic columns for The Daily Tar Heel. This column is satiric in nature; please do not break into any apartments, climb to the top of the Carolina Inn's roof or otherwise trespass on anyone else's property.
A friend once posited that a universal student experience at UNC is a late-night trip to Cosmic Cantina while in the throes of a crisis of purpose.
A friend invites you to eat at Mediterranean Deli. Your budget is $8. Here’s how to have it all while still being burdened by an overwhelming sense of social awareness.