"I have made sure to document their odd practices each step of the way. I am aware that the articles may at times feel over-exaggerated, paternalistic or pessimistic. This is because, out of respect, I have been doing my best to follow the same writing style that the Nacireman folk use when writing about the African continent — that is, portraying a single story."
"I must say that I am not yet fluent in Nacireman, but I am now able to hold a conversation. So here are some quick translations that any English speakers can use when they arrive in this exotic land."
"Basketball is a traditional competition where the tallest children in the village attempt to put a brown sphere into a sacred high basket. It is quite a futile task because the basket has a gaping hole at its bottom; hence, the ball always falls through."
"While the drama surrounding Brexit is quite entertaining on its own, it has brought to our attention that maybe the U.S. is much more similar to the U.K. than it would like to admit."
Whenever a Nacireman tells me the distance to a place, I am never sure whether I should call an Uber or walk. If 5,280 feet = 1 mile, does that mean I need running shoes, or can I make do with high heels? Advice to foreigners: Call the Uber. Trust me.
"My hypothesis on why Naciremans often omit Dr. King’s dissenting opinion on capitalism is due to a fear of its implications. Indeed, there has been significant progress within, and cooperation among, Nacireman tribes since the '60s. However, there is still much more that needs to be done."
"Naciremans should consider showing gratitude year-round and one way they can begin doing so is by consuming less and giving more."
"Nacireman federal elections are coming up in less than a year. Unfortunately for Nacireman folk, they have to vote in yet another election under an authoritarian regime that is becoming increasingly oligarchic."
Hence, what Nacireman tribesmen believe to be a magnificent feat of man dominating nature — a rite of passage if you will — is actually primitive technology that shows an incapacity to work with nature rather than fight it.
If it is a matter of protecting Nacireman youth, it would seem reasonable to also increase the age that one goes to war or the age that one can acquire a firearm since these also lead to youth deaths.