Quick hits for July 16, 2015

Years after NASA demoted Pluto to a “dwarf planet,” they’ve decided to do a fly-by and take pictures of the celestial body. Oh, I thought you didn’t care, NASA? I thought you were over Pluto and moving on to planets that clear their orbit? This is the planetary equivalent of liking an ex’s Instagram post from five months ago.

Find some chill

Can Simon Cowell put every member (or former member, #ComeBackZayn) in timeout for the next week? There have been enough Twitterfeuds, falls during concerts, death threats and unplanned pregnancies to fill a year of “Tiger Beat” issues. Y’all, chill: your fans can’t keep all their hashtags trending at once all summer long.

Drake/Serena <3

According to a South African gossip site, Drake and Serena Williams are dating. Is this true? Eh, who knows, but imagine their relationship. Him: a sensitive Canadian rapper who loves posting shirtless pictures to Instagram. Her: the greatest athlete in the country, role model to girls worldwide. Based God, please let this rumor be true. 

Fifty Cent Joke Here

Rapper 50 Cent has filed for bankruptcy. It is funny because his stage name is a small amount of money, and he’s kind of washed up. That’s the joke. Twitter, can we all chill on the 50 Cent jokes now? It’s tempting, but I think it’s time we put our energy elsewhere — like finding out more of Siri’s #fun #sassy jokes.