Arts column: Millennials have wrongfully chosen whiskey over vodka

A recent Wall Street Journal report showed that millennials in the United States now prefer whiskey to vodka.

And for those millennials, I have three words — how dare you. And I also have one question — have you forgotten?

Have you forgotten what was there for you through the red-cup nights of high school?

Have you forgotten your drink of choice when you wanted to sneak something into a sporting event or concert? News flash: Whiskey is far from inconspicuous in a Poland Spring water bottle.

Have you forgotten the first time strawberry Smirnoff gloriously singed your throat, knighting you into underage coolhood?

I haven’t.

The first time I had a legitimate connection with the spirit was when I was a first-year at the University of Delaware, the school I transferred from.

It was 3 a.m., and I was two miles away from my dorm room holding a handle of vodka that tasted like a savory solution of hand sanitizer and nail polish remover.

I desperately needed to get home, but there were no buses, no P2P, no campus transportation system comparable to UNC’s.

I addressed the problem at hand like any normal, sensible student.

I called the cops on myself, asked for a ride and stuck the handle in my pants.

In the back seat, vodka and I bonded with the police officer and with each other.

But clearly you have forgotten vodka.

So, this holiday season, I want you to make sure you respect vodka for the beautiful beverage it is.

Whether you have a martini under the mistletoe, a mixed drink by the menorah or a screwdriver with Santa, please do not neglect vodka.

I don’t care if it’s a plastic or glass bottle, an airplane bottle or a colossal handle big enough to inebriate a silverback gorilla. Just keep the distilled delight handy this holiday season.

The way I look at it, vodka has a certain parallel with our parents. In high school, we barely appreciated them. They were always just there, and a lot of the time, we didn’t think they were that cool.

It’s the same for vodka.

In high school, we took it for granted. It was always just there — on the foldable table at the high school party, in the forefront of Facebook pictures and in the trunk of the token 21-year-old we all had on speed dial.

But now that we’re in college, we appreciate our parents and what they do even more.

It is now time to channel that belated appreciation and respect over to something that has been more than a parent, more than a friend and more than a drink — vodka.