There isn't a snowball's chance in hell "haute culture" will work its way into this motley crew's vacation. Or is there?
After spending Spring Break in the cocoa butter and Quicksilver haven known as Tampa, Fla., I have come to the conclusion that with a little cross marketing we can indeed bring culture to the culturally inept. All we need is a little booze and a dirty mind.
Tampa, unlike larger cities such as Chicago and New York, is not known for its arts and entertainment scene. This lack of recognition, however, does not mean that Tampa has nothing to offer -- especially if you include the surrounding areas of St. Petersburg, Orlando and Ybor City.
So let us go about it like this: Culture For The Culturally Inept.
1) The Florida Aquarium, Tampa: Go gawk at the native species and explore something fishy in the touch tank. Take heed, however, as the staff warns, "Use only two fingers please." If you get bored, head next door to the docks and try to sneak your way onto Kathie Lee's next ocean liner.
2) The Salvador Dali Museum, St. Petersburg: A mere five dollars for students, the Salvador Dali Museum is a fun and inexpensive way to kill a day. The museum chronicles Dali's life from his early impressionistic days to his culmination in large-scale ultra-crisp modern works. Dali's work is sensual and morbid, often featuring explicit sculptures of women's anatomy, decaying animals and his signature melting watches and musical instruments. It's not exactly your mother's Norman Rockwell.
3) Disney World, Orlando: While the Magic Kingdom is only slightly more enjoyable than a root canal, the Animal Kingdom, Epcot and MGM have a lot to offer the post-pubescent. In Epcot's case, it's large amounts of imported beer and wine. In the Tour of Nations, visitors can get a taste of international travel as they drink their way through 11 Disney- created countries, including Mexico, Italy, Morocco and England.
4) Friday and Saturday nights, Ybor City: Every Friday and Saturday night local officials close down the streets for a completely open-ended all-night party in the heart of Ybor City. Essentially, Ybor is comprised of nothing but dance clubs, pubs, tattoo parlors and liquor stores. So long as you've got most of your clothes on and aren't urinating in the streets, it seems that just about anything else goes. Remember to pronounce the city's name, as "E-bore" and you'll be indistinguishable from the locals.
