Unfortunately, my wound required another person to change the dressing.
Fortunately, I had many able roommates.
For the past two years, I've lived in a Chapel Hill version of "The Real World."
We had all the characters -- a gay Jewish guy from Boston; a Chinese girl from D.C., (or is she Korean?); a gay med student from Michigan; a laid-back med student from Carolina; a Jewish girl from Boston; and yours truly, a cocky kid from Kansas.
I'm actually considering writing my first Broadway musical based on the experience: "Two Gays, Two Girls and Two Guys."
All the guys ended up seeing my butt when I need a dressing change at night, which led to many laughs around the house.
(A special thanks goes to the woman who saw my butt more than my girlfriends ever have -- Cathy at the Acute Care Center.)
Through it all, I had The Daily Tar Heel.
The summer staff of the DTH was stronger than ever.
Unfortunately, the news couldn't have been slower.
Last summer, we had a new basketball coach and a torrential flood. This summer, we had budget cuts and the Master Plan.
City, State and National Editor Matt Viser, along with writer Ama Boaten did an excellent job covering the Master Plan over the course of the summer. (The phrase "Master Plan" used to connote an evil dictator or robbers scheming in a hideaway. Maybe it still does, on second thought.)
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.
University Editor Geoff Wessel and his writer did a solid job covering other University-related news.
The arts writers performed like pros in this "summer of the review."
Newbie Jon Harris, editorial page editor, garnered the most mail for his pieces. (Jon, a man who is a conservative at 20 has no heart; a man who is a liberal at 60 has no head.)
There shouldn't be many mistakes in this edition, thanks to copy editors Tim Lawson and Laurie Osborne, who spent almost as much time flirting as they did copy editing.
And Design Editor Karen Williams, along with Brent Clark and rest of the graphics and photo staff, always put out a good-looking paper.
I am happy to report that columnist Bill Hill is coming out of his Republican shell with every column and following law school, will be working for Greenpeace.
I would advise smart, good-looking men to ask out my Double Dutch partner Daniele. She has a bright future. Just don't do her wrong or you'll end up in one of her columns.
Extra special thanks goes out to the professional staff: Stacy, Penny, Melida, Pool-E, Janet, Lisa, Chrissy and my favorite ad girls, Sarah and Erica. You are wonderful and I will miss you all.
Without a doubt, the most valuable player of the summer is the man who looks like an offensive lineman but laughs like a girl, the man who made the trains run on time this summer and who has a gift for writing and editing that is only beginning to be tapped. Managing Editor Russ Lane could have put out the paper without me. I could not have done the same without him.
And thus ends my two-year experience at The Daily Tar Heel.
On my last trip as DTH captain, I can say that when all hands are on deck, we lose ourselves in these pages. The rest of the world doesn't matter. And at the same time it's all that matters.
We really give a damn about this world. I hope you believe us.
Best wishes, I must get going.
During the next week, I have to finish my master's thesis, move out of my apartment, find a job, find a place to live and basically figure out what I'm doing with my life.
Talk about a pain in the ass.
Brian Frederick would like to thank all those who've helped make Chapel Hill his home away from home. In the future, reach him at email@example.com.