"The One" might be the worst movie ever. It makes the acting in "Weekend At Bernie's 2" Oscar-worthy. The action in Steven Seagal's latest film seems exciting by comparison. And the music makes one yearn for "Hee-Haw."
Integrating the worst aspects of "Double Impact" and "Time Cop," "The One" is the story of a hero (Jet Li) who must battle an evil version of himself (also Jet Li) from a parallel universe who is on a mission to kill him. It's confusing, but don't worry about the plot too much -- director James Wong certainly didn't.
Films like this should allow audiences to shut their brains off and enjoy watching Jet Li kick stuff. Instead, the audience is treated to Li hitting people with motorcycles, which is not nearly as entertaining as it sounds.
What makes this film offensively boring crap is that the action is less believable than an episode of "WWF Raw." Logical plots and competent acting are not prerequisites for an entertaining martial arts flick. But good action is.
It's impressive to see Jackie Chan jump up and kick two people at once for the same reason that it's unimpressive to see Li pummel eight people in one jump. It doesn't take skill to do what Li does in this film; it takes an army of pimply nerds hunched over computers.
"The One" is a perfect example of how "The Matrix" has adversely affected American cinema. Rather than use Li's talents, exhibited so well in "Romeo Must Die," Wong is overly reliant on unnecessary special effects that make the film feel like a bad cartoon.
Though weak on intentional humor, this film does have its share of unintentionally funny moments. Aside from an unexplained, exploding mouse-bomb (don't ask), Jason Statham's accent takes the cake as the most ludicrously amusing part of the film. Statham plays some sort of parallel-universe cop who chases the bad version of Li throughout the film.
Apparently in the universe he's from, people's accents randomly oscillate between British and what sounded like a bad Long Island accent. Some films, such as "Starship Troopers," are able to entertain solely based on unintentional comedy. This is not one of them.
What makes "The One" rank among the worst films ever is that it's in the unique position of a film that's a joke, but not funny.
The Arts & Entertainment Editor can be reached at email@example.com.
To get the day's news and headlines in your inbox each morning, sign up for our email newsletters.