Glazer: You're out, Tony.
Dungy is canned the next day.
The above scenario is obviously fictional, save for the ending, which is the sad truth. On Jan. 14, Dungy was fired after six seasons in Tampa Bay.
Welcome to the "What Have You Done For Me Lately?" world of pro football, where qualified coaches are fired seemingly at random, and Dungy is hardly the only victim.
This season alone, Dennis Green, who won four division titles for the Minnesota Vikings, was forced out for being "unable to find a way for leadership that worked."
Marty Schottenheimer, whose Washington Redskins started 0-5 and finished 8-3, was banished for "philosophical management issues" (Daniel Snyder-ese for "Marry me, Steve Spurrier.")
Even the maniacal Jim Mora deserved better. The fact that he was fired after taking the Indianapolis Colts to the playoffs two straight seasons with three superstars and zero defense is, as Mora would call it, "diddly-poo."
In most cases, the firees are fall guys, qualified coaches getting the pink slips that arrogant, unmotivated, overpaid players actually deserve.
Proof of this can be found at ESPN.com, where, as of Sunday, there were five previously fired head coaches - including Schottenheimer and Mora - listed in the running for the vacant San Diego Chargers' head coaching job.
Why would Vikings management fire Green when a real start would be to banish malcontent Randy Moss and his eight-year, $75 million contract elsewhere, say, Burma?
Because it's the easy move.
Just like it's the easy move to pin the blame on Dungy for being unable to motivate the Bucs when it's clear that his players don't even blame him.
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"For that man (Dungy) in there and the things that he's done for this team and for this organization and to know where we stand and where he stands in this situation and then to watch people play the way they played ... there's no excuse," said a tearful Keyshawn Johnson after Tampa Bay's playoff loss.
The fact that Johnson is shedding tears, pleading Dungy's case, says it all. After all, Key's not the warmest of men. He did once refer to Jets teammate Wayne Chrebet as the "team mascot" -- in a best-selling book.
Dungy is almost certain to land another job, probably within the next week, maybe even in Carolina. Of course, if he catches on with a rebuilding team plagued by impatient management, he is almost certain to be fired again.
So Panthers fans, if you happen to end up on the losing end of the Tony Dungy sweepstakes, just remember one thing: there's always next year.
It's the beauty of the NFL.
Jamie Agin can be reached at agin@email.unc.edu.
