Playing the Game of Who Can Care Less

Sometimes to foolish extents.

As part of this desire and the subsequent hunt, we cannot go up against them uneducated because that ship is destined to sink. So I feel that it is my job as a man to make a feeble attempt to figure females out or just explain some of the things they do.

You might have guessed by now that this is not the first time that I've come to this realization about women. Nor is it the first time such discussions have taken place in the vast confusion of the opposite sex. I'm sure if my friends and I had, on a number of occasions, a pen to go along with Top of the Hill napkins, we would have a collection of quips thorough enough for a 30-chapter book.

The book is on hold until I find a publisher who will best satisfy my interests ($$), and I cannot seem to get past the chapter on the "acquaintance to friend to girlfriend" transition. But I submit to you, as witnesses to relationships, good and bad, some of our experience-driven theories on women.

These are not theories derived by a club of He-Man Woman Haters but by confused college guys.

The first idea we were able to fully develop is that of the Theory of Who Can Care Less (Matt Saha Doctoral Thesis 2002).

Setting: Top of The Hill or some Ashley Forest party.

In order for a guy to get a girl's attention, he has to play it smooth. He stands across the room, giving an occasional look. The occasional look means that he has crossed the line to show interest, but he must be careful to not go far enough to show that he cares what the girl is doing. There is a fine line between caring and interest, which makes it difficult to understand and maneuver.

Playing this game is derived from fear of denial or being put up in the open, but that's a deeper subject.

Back to the surface, the girl plays the same game as if she is interested in the guy. The trick is, of course, to not appear like he/she cares what the other person is doing. If the guy crosses the fine line into the area of caring, such as staring too much, he is now subject to having less control of the situation. The girl gains the upper hand based on the fact that she cares the least, or appears to. She can accept or reject the guy's advances based on the fact that it doesn't really matter to her. This theory applies better to relationships and dating than to the actual "pickup maneuver."

Whoever has the control in the relationship is a matter of who cares the least. If the guy really likes the girl and the girl kind of cares, the girl has the power to dictate the man to the status of the "boyfriend slave" or, in sadder cases, "the wanna-be boyfriend slave."

Fellas, you don't wanna be that guy, but I will say that that is better than the stalemate when both parties appear not to care. In order not to get trapped into a situation where you become the one without the power, you have to play the "coolness-whatever" game.

"Yeah, that's cool with me. Whatever."

That is a game that students at the college level are extremely proficient at playing. People of the honest and up-front variety find this most difficult to understand.

A relationship faux pas would be to say such things in a position of acquaintance like, "I really like you and would like to hang out," which can be commonly referred to as "encouragement for stepping forward in the relationship."

Such sayings would limit an individual's power to claim that he is the one who cares the least. The response by the other person would be something like, "Sure. Yeah, me too. Whatever." At that point the position of power has been established. College girls know how to possess that power.

Caring the least means controlling the most.

But this brings me to a key point in the next logical step. This is the tough part for "nice" guy, like myself, to figure out. How can I determine if a girl is in a state of playing the "care-least" game or if she is simply oblivious?

As soon as I figure out the exterior difference, I'll let you know.

It probably turns out that all the good girls are at home watching rented videos with their friends.

If you don't like the game of "who can care less," think you know why girls are difficult or wish to defend them,

e-mail me at tompkins@email.unc.edu.