Revisiting the Theory of Who Cares the Least

I had a few readers find it offensive, and they bashed my family for its improper adolescent development techniques. If I judged their responses correctly, my columns are alcohol-induced. I hope any further responses will be kinder. I withhold jokes about them and merely say I think they interpreted my theory incorrectly.

Most of the e-mails I got were from readers telling me the right girl would come along. They either saw the sweet guy within me or felt overwhelming sympathy and pity -- certainly the angle I love to work with the ladies.

Either way, I got responses!

Woo-hoo! Someone reads this thing!

Most of the responses I had to the Theory of Who Can Care the Least realized that I was not making a statement on the way I think things should be. They correctly thought that I was addressing the way things are in some sociological aspect.

I want to clear myself of any possible misnomer by saying games are somewhat ridiculous in the aspect that you should hide your true thoughts and put up appearances. Personally, I try hard not to ascribe to that set of dating rules. Part of the idea behind writing the column was to address how ridiculous it is.

As much as I hated to admit it the first time I heard the theory, I could not help but admit that it's dead-on. The way girls and guys work is absurd at times. So with what is left of this space, I feel the need to give my thoughts on the process of relationships.

Despite anything any girl has ever said, I would describe myself as a "nice" guy. Not nice enough to suffer from Nice Guy Syndrome -- poor losers -- but nice enough to know how to treat women. I am probably not alone in realizing that girls do not fall for nice guys. A girl might be intrigued in a moment of despair or drama, but hardly ever does the nice guy win on the collegiate level.

If Shakespeare were to write in today's world about some great character, no one would think twice at the end of the play. Everyone would walk out of the play thinking, "Yeah, he was just too nice. I knew he was going to lose or die or something. Niceness was his tragic flaw."

Nice guys do not finish last; they just continually finish second. Second equals the first loser. "Yes, I finished ahead of all the other losers, but I didn't win."

I'm sure not every girl at Carolina overlooks the nice guy, and I have no intention of shamelessly promoting myself, but I find this issue disheartening.

What other logical explanation can there be for quality Carolina girls being with jerks? Don't say the ratio because there are a few quality guys with whom I've had this discussion.

Patience is my favorite virtue, and apparently I'm going to have to deal with it a lot -- a thought with which I'm completely fine. I do not much care for the game or the way it works.

I want to close by saying that every time I get into the middle of an interesting topic, I run out of space. Also, I want to add something a reader sent me on the right type of girl. To understand, you must realize that I'm a bit of a romantic.

She said, "The girl who is most worthy of your attention will be the one who can accept your honesty. If you are comfortable enough to make this mature admission, and make it without fear, then she will be wise to see that you are very much more 'in control' than the other guys who are just trying to appear aloof. The trick is to say it without added drama, but at the same time, be confident that if she does not feel the same way, or plays the control game herself, that it is not the end of your world. Girls really want a guy who is cute, confident, honest, courageous, mature and one whom they could respect and even admire. College girls may seem surprised by such a display of mature confidence in you, but given some time, they will learn to appreciate your candor and like you more for it."

I think I fit into a couple of those categories. Is it too much to ask a girl to agree with my reader's statement? Reach me at tompkins@email.unc.edu.