6 a.m. -- "Beep Beep," screams the alarm. I wake up in my parent's house in Fayetteville. (Town Motto: Wake up and smell the napalm!) I had driven down late last night to work at a polling site for a state House candidate.
6:32 a.m. -- Arrival at polling site, Ben Martin Elementary School. So far it's just me, a man who looks suspiciously like a pirate and the polling site supervisor, who resembles Billy Bob Thornton, except crazier.
7:05 a.m. -- People start arriving steadily, both voters and campaign workers. I realize Crusty the Pirate is working for the Republican running against my guy, and we have a developing situation.
7:45 a.m. -- I've been handing out snazzy-looking literature to voters, Crusty has merely been screaming at them, "We'd appreciate your vote." Crusty, who is by no means a stupid man, realizes that my tactic is probably working better and retires to his car to get something to hand out. I see him open his glove box and get out a pack of cigarettes, and then I see him start handing things out to voters. Naturally I assume he is handing out cigarettes to voters. I later realize they're just mints.
9:45 a.m. -- An Elizabeth Dole representative shows up, but it's pretty clear she has no idea what she's doing. She tries to talk to people past the "No Campaigning Beyond This Point" sign, and Billy Bob, king of the polling site, almost has an aneurysm.
11:15 a.m. -- Crusty and Liddy, henceforth referred to as "The Odd Couple," are blocked against the wall of the school by a solid line of children marching to lunch. Crusty, unable to hand out his gifts to voters, returns to his shouting tactics.
12:30 p.m. -- I often wonder when I do this kind of thing if people think I'm the candidate I'm asking them to vote for. My answer comes now, when a guy takes my literature, glances down at it, looks back up at me and says "You're Rick Glazier?" Score.
1 p.m. -- It starts to rain. A nice woman who has been encouraging minorities to vote straight Democratic offers me her umbrella. She goes to sit in her car.
1:15 p.m. -- The only man on the planet crustier than Crusty himself comes to vote. He walks quickly by us, not wanting to hear my spiel, until Crusty shouts at him "Mike Stone would appreciate your vote." The response, shouted over his shoulder: "He may appreciate it, but he's not getting it." Double score.
