In my time here, the food at the Top of Lenoir has steadily declined from good to edible to unworthy of the dog of my worst enemy. Granted, Lenoir is undoubtedly one of the nicest dining facilities around. Other schools I've visited would give anything to have such a facility. But the implementation of the dining hall has been completely botched.
Before I get into what they do wrong, let's dispel some myths about Lenoir. First, Top of Lenoir isn't Top of Lenoir. That's a far too classy name. It's not a roof-top revolving restaurant; it's a cafeteria at the top of a rarely functioning escalator. Bottom of Lenoir is just as much a train wreck as anywhere else.
Most of the restaurants downstairs charge more than their counterparts, which are literally on Franklin Street. Anyone care to explain why the Subway in Lenoir has higher prices than the Subway on Franklin Street?
So what is Lenoir, specifically Top of Lenoir, so inept at doing? Well, for starters, it seems they lack any knowledge about how to cook tasty food and are highly skilled at screwing up even the simplest staple food. Mashed potatoes? They can make those taste like wallpaper glue. Fried chicken? About as appetizing as deep-fried shoe leather and just as easy to digest.
I will admit, however, they make some of the best cookies around. I don't know who makes these unholy and illicit delights, but they should be commended among the sea of stale cereal, cold French fries and overcooked pasta. I also commend Lenoir for helping out during the drought by switching to disposable silverware and plates.
And after consuming one of these lovely meals, you're struck with something I'd liken to Montezuma's revenge. Only I don't think the head chef is named Montezuma. So not only have you had a terrible meal, you're struck with this literal race with the devil to the nearest restroom. This time is especially bad when you first return to school, when your body needs to readjust for a few weeks, switching over from that good home cooking to whatever Lenoir manages to produce on any given day.
I'm also stunned how even something as simple as theme nights can be totally botched events. For most theme nights, some of you notice they bring in the velvet ropes to steer us through Lenoir like cattle to some "exotic" food they've inevitably prepared horribly. If I want good Indian or Thai food, I certainly won't decide to check it out at Lenoir. Throw in a DJ playing some bad beats on blown-out speakers; it certainly makes theme nights a special and unique experience.
Don't get me wrong, I understand the employees at Lenoir have a tough job attempting to feed thousands of students. However, that's also their only job, and I know there's no Rubix cube-esque complexity. I doubt there are several deep, contemplative levels to getting food ready. They're not putting a man on the moon; they're simply cooking roast beef.
Of course, this is just one man's rant against a staple of the college existence -- bad cafeteria food. I certainly don't expect Lenoir to change overnight -- far from it -- they should make even worse food. They should strive for just barely edible, which is just below where they're at now. If we didn't have terrible cafeteria food, what would drive us off campus to some of the finer restaurants in the area -- like Time Out?
