Students Date Despite, Because of Racial Differences

Racial differences enhanced their relationship but ultimately brought it to its end.

Many students such as Lee and Montijo have defied convention by crossing over racial lines in their relationships.

Ketura Parker, vice president of UNC's chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, said such interracial dating at UNC has become more accepted rather than simply tolerated.

But Parker said she knows students and parents who still disapprove of it.

"They do believe the different races should stick within their racial boundaries, but I totally disagree," she said.

"Love transcends race or color."

Lee, a white nursing major from Winston-Salem, and Montijo, a Hispanic pharmacy major from Orlando, met at a party last year.

"I think what attracted me to him was that he was Puerto Rican," Lee said of Montijo.

"He could dance good, and I liked that. He was different."

Montijo, who had dated white women before meeting Lee last year, said he did not immediately consider race a factor in the courtship.

"What attracted me to her was that she took care of me when I got sick; that's something that I really appreciate and value," he said.

"I think our friends were really open to interracial relationships," said Lee.

Lee and Montijo agreed that the University community appeared to be equally accepting of -- or at least indifferent to -- the fact that theirs was an interracial relationship.

Montijo explained that cultural differences became a way for them to learn more about each other and to become closer.

Yet when Lee visited Montijo over Spring Break last year, she said, his family was not enthused about this closeness.

"His dad didn't want him dating a white girl that seriously," Lee said.

"My parents, from experience with cousins who've married Caucasians, (know that) sometimes it makes social gatherings kind of awkward because they don't know Spanish," Montijo said.

Lee saw the disapproval of Montijo's parents not as a cultural trend but as an affirmation of parental differences.

Though the two tried not to worry about it, Lee said the disapproval put a strain on their relationship.

Lee and Montijo broke up a month ago but remain close friends.

"It really hurts because you don't want something like that to separate you, especially at a time when you're at school, where all you want to do is enjoy yourself and be together," Lee said.

"And being in college, you're away from your family and think what your parents say doesn't matter. But it does."

Shaun McComas, president of Carolina Hispanic Association, knows many students who think they cannot date outside their race because of their parents' views.

"Within any race, they all have this notion of who they should date, and a lot of people don't like to date outside it -- probably because of how they grew up," he said.

Although race played a significant role in Montijo and Lee's breakup, it has not affected the relationship of Corina Gonzalez, a sophomore of Filipino descent from Inverness, Ill., and Miguel Bravo, a sophomore of Cuban descent from Cary.

Gonzalez's parents, who met Bravo for the first time this fall, reacted differently to the concept of an interracial relationship than did Montijo's.

"The first thing they said was, 'He's tall!' Nothing else," Gonzalez said.

Likewise, Bravo's parents did not bring up any interracial issues.

In fact, his grandmother shares cultural knowledge with Gonzalez over the phone.

"I didn't really know that much about the Cuban culture (before dating Bravo)," Gonzalez said.

The two share Caribbean, Hispanic, Syrian and Indonesian friends who, like Lee and Montijo's friends, are open to interracial dating.

Amelia Kaye, a white freshman from Brookline, Mass., met her black boyfriend of one month through an equally diverse group of friends.

"It's interesting," she said of the group. "We get into a lot of arguments and debates all the time. Our dinner conversations are ridiculous."

She has found racial and religious differences -- she is Jewish while her boyfriend is Christian -- enhance the relationship.

"There's so much more to talk about," she said. "There are always going to be cultural and religious conflicts just because cultures clash.

"But I believe it's absolutely important to make as many connections and unify the campus as much as possible."

The Features Editor can be reached at features@unc.edu.