'Extreme' Consumed by Avalanche Of Shallow Dialogue, Empty Action

One Star

Lesson one: Fun-loving civilians foiling the schemes of brutal war criminals make a plot about as appealing as kidney stones.

The film opens with a news anchor reporting the death of Slavic bad man Slobodan Pavle, establishing the standard-issue ethnic villain without a moment's waste. Then come the protagonists as the shot cuts to canoeists tearing through rapids to the theme of cliched power music -- a scene perfect for the standard Gatorade commercial.

Fittingly enough, the group turns out to be an advertisement production team, and their next project takes them to not-so-sunny Austria. Their commercial features athletes skiing and snowboarding down a mountain while an avalanche pursues filmed for an ad campaign to sell ... avalanches?

From the get-go, the film over-establishes the extreme nature of the situations and characters to an eye-watering extent. The athletes skateboard atop moving trains when they're not wake-boarding on the ground behind them, or they snowboard off a roof and across a table, all set to a poppy, energetic soundtrack. OK, so they're extreme. Woo.

These zany antics get them into compromising circumstances, like being hunted by war criminals. Two of the athletes come upon an attractive woman making out with a gruff Slavic fellow and they film them in ignorance of their identities.

It turns out that the man is none other than Pavle, who staged his death to escape answering for his crimes. He finds out about their tape and suspects they are with the CIA, and the wackiness ensues.

But for some reason, the action is postponed another 30 minutes. The main characters carry on with their shenanigans and interpersonal conflicts that are ultimately unnecessary to the plot -- once it finally stops by to say hi.

In the meantime, all the audience has to occupy itself are petty inter-character rivalries and cheddar romances -- with lines like "I'm cramping and bleeding like a stuffed pig," and, upon arrival in Austria, "Put another shrimp on the barbie."

By the time the plot kicks in, it's more of an afterthought than the central focus, ending before it ever truly is established.

Some of the scenes on the mountain slopes are well-executed, most notably that of the avalanche, which rolls with power and grace. But regardless, aesthetic quality rarely compensates for watery plots and thin characters unless the movie is "Star Wars." But even Yoda -- the swashbuckling, psychic gremlin -- couldn't have saved "Extreme Ops."

John Q. Moviegoer should save his money for holiday shopping. This cinematic suppository is the equivalent of getting a lump of coal.

The Arts & Entertainment Editor can be reached at artsdesk@unc.edu.