Simplification's the Best Answer For Easing Life's Little Worries

The new year might be up and running, but if Nicorette and "Buns of Steel" are still on sale, then the time to dwell on the calendar event has not yet passed.

But it will soon. These are the last days to be declaring life changes or recovering from the failure of your first try.

I deemed my goal for 2003 -- simplification -- as an epiphany in December, but every rational thought during exams is a milestone.

Here's the story: I was waiting in line with friends to escape my academic toils and partake in a Carolina tradition -- dining at Time-Out.

As I was standing in the massive line, my eyes focused upon a sign near the register that presented the restaurant's long history. It answered an age-old UNC question -- Why does Time-Out serve square-shaped biscuits?

OK, don't stop here and think I am a moron. Please just stick with me because my epiphany is coming up.

Round biscuits are the traditional ones, of course. But in order to make them, you have to roll out the dough, cut out the circles and then re-roll the dough to cut out more circles.

The Time-Out display informed me that this re-rolling causes tougher biscuits and requires more time than necessary. So why do it?

Time-Out opts not to. Instead, they roll out dough, cut it into squares with no leftovers to deal with and thus create a better biscuit. The sensibility of this novelty is interesting to me now, but at 2 a.m. it was more than an anecdote.

It was an epiphany.

My mind was filled with thoughts of other things that I, my friends, the University, society -- whoever -- make more complicated than needed solely because of tradition.

Think about it. Relationships, cell phone plans, basketball ticket distribution. You name it, they're all round biscuits -- rolled over and over again to make life tough.

Why aren't more people putting Time-Out's common sense to use? Simplification obviously beats out complication in any aspect of life.

Stressed students flock to Time-Out in the middle of the night to break away from their laborious daily lives in search of serene, unsophisticated bliss.

In my epiphany, I concluded that these desperate souls are actually drawn by some magical force to the square biscuits because of their uncomplicated nature.

Under the everyday outlook of my philosophy, the students' plight can be described best as the result of hunger and frustration from the busy, complicated lives of cultured college students.

And yet, the possibility for so much more is waiting out there in 2003.

As Leonardo da Vinci once said, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

It's true. That's why the simple black dress has been around for ages. It also explains why men grab hold of opportunities to fish and play golf. And it offers clarity on the fact that children ultimately choose kitchen pots over high-priced retail toys.

Take da Vinci's advice and disentangle yourself from the pigeonhole that says college life is traditionally complex and overwhelming. It actually doesn't have to be.

Here are five ways to avoid the re-kneading and, thus, simplify your life.

No. 1: Take sedatives before registering for classes.

No. 2: Never download Snood onto your laptop. Ever.

No. 3: Visit the Organized Living superstore at Southpoint and allow yourself to feel guilty upon leaving.

No. 4: Master the art of nodding while completely removing yourself from your roommate's dramatic problems.

No. 5: Dispose of all the round biscuits in your life. Start a new batch of square biscuits before the New Year exercise videos are replaced with cigarettes and Valentine's candy.

Reach Stephanie Poole at spoole@email.unc.edu.