Parents struggle to let go

Freshman Kyle Doty has had more than one surprise visit from his parents.

"They've called from outside my dorm at least three times," says Doty, who is from Apex. "They just showed up to check on me and give me a hug and a kiss."

Doty is not alone.

"Eight of my last incoming calls were from my mother and seven of my missed calls, too," says freshman Seth McDaniel of Morganton.

After their sons or daughters leave home for college, many parents are reluctant to let go.

Some parents, however, take those concerns to the next level with continued involvement in their children's lives. The number of these hovering parents, or "helicopter parents," has spiked in recent years.

"It's fear of the unknown," says Kelley Germaine, national co-chairwoman of the Carolina Parents Council with husband Bob Germaine.

The University fields calls from concerned parents every day, in departments ranging from the Office of Greek Affairs to the Department of Housing and Residential Education to the Office of the Dean of Students.

"During peak times of the year, we probably get 100 phone calls a day - I would guess that somewhere between 60 to 70 percent of those are parents," says Rick Bradley, assistant director for Housing and Residential Education.

But if the problems pertain to students, why are the parents making the phone calls?

"If parents are paying the bills, they're more likely to be asking the questions," Bradley says.

To assist parents as they check up on their investments, the majority of phone calls are directed to the Office of New Student and Carolina Parent Programs.

The office serves as a liaison between parents and the University.

"Sometimes, students will call home and they'll be very upset, and two days later, they aren't upset anymore, but the parent is still upset. Parents will call our office and talk through it," says Sheila Hrdlicka, coordinator of parent programs for the office.

If students are struggling in classes, for example, parents will often call for recommendations on whom to contact, such as the Writing and Learning centers.

"We try to give them a lot of information," Hrdlicka says. "But ultimately, it's the student's responsibility to take care of that."

Hrdlicka says there's a closer relationship between students and their parents that continues on into college,

"They keep in closer contact, and they're used to that on a daily basis."

And parents seem to need that contact.

Jim McPherson from Raleigh speaks with his freshman daughter, Rachel McPherson, every day.

"I guess early on, it was the empty-nest syndrome that primarily was driving her mom and I to give Rachel telephone calls and just sort of check in and hear her voice," he says.

Such communication is undeniably a result of the increase in technology. With cell phones, e-mail and even instant messenger, parents have an array of options with which to contact their children.

So students can run off to college, but they can't hide.

"My mom's always checking in and seeing how things are going," says junior Rob Kancilia from Melbourne, Fla.

"I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder."

 

Contact the Features Editor at features@unc.edu.