Droning on and on about peace

Dear Mr. President and Gov. Romney,

I have been thinking about you both a lot recently while showering.

As I soap my body and reflect upon my day, I suddenly think, “How awkward would it be if the next president ordered a drone strike on me at this very moment?”

I chuckle at the absurdity of this thought and continue to arduously scrub the homo off my body, as I do every night in homage to the Republican Party.

Governor, that last part was a joke, but I am serious about the uncomfortable feeling I have about both yours and the president’s intentions of drone striking me.

Will I have time to put my clothes on before being blown to bits? Will the fortified water all Americans shower in protect me from the caustic drone chemicals? Will I ever see Malia grow up to play Michelle in the Lifetime movie, “Michelle: The Untold Story”?

These are the questions that make me awkwardly curl up into a duck-and-cover position in a dorm shower stall in hopes that the 1950s tactics for nuclear defense will save me from the War on Terror.

On Monday, I had the privilege of hearing you both ever so briefly discuss the importance of ordering drone strikes in countries like Pakistan to secure the safety of the American people.

I ask to both of you, “What about the safety of the world’s people?” If we take credit, as both of you did on Monday, for supporting democracy and peace abroad, should we not avoid at all costs murdering civilians?

Mr. President, I am sternly holding you most responsible for my fear of being droned at any moment. In 2009, you were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for the hope for peace your election instilled in the international community.

Four years later, according to the Bureau of Investigative Journalism, you have ordered 298 drone strikes in Pakistan out of a total 350 strikes since 2004. These drones are reported to have killed at least 474 civilians, 176 of which have been identified as children.

And as of 2011, in Pakistan, U.S. drone strikes have risen from one a year in 2004 to one every four days under your administration.

I am ashamed of you, Mr. President, as well as you, Gov. Romney, for supporting weaponry that rightfully vilifies the United States in the Middle East.

Do we need to perpetuate that reputation any further?

Are there better ways to promote security in the Middle East against terrorist organizations that we hypocritically accuse of killing innocent people?

I don’t have the specific answers to these questions, but you two have gotten to this point in the election, so I ask that you both figure it out.

Sincerely,

Jagir

P.S. — If I do end up on your drone hit list, can I at least get two minutes notice? I need some time to text Hill goodbye.

Jagir Patel is a columnist from the Daily Tar Heel. He is senior religious studies major from Boynton Beach, Fla. Contact him at jagirdpatel@gmail.com.