Quickhits for Nov. 1, 2012

GIO!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, Tar Heel running back Giovanni Bernard returned a punt in the final seconds to seal a Tar Heel victory against N.C. State at Kenan Stadium. State fans, deflated, trudged back to their tractors, drove back to Raleigh in one sad, long convoy and sought loving comfort in the hooves of their sweet, sweet Bessie.

Frosting-Sugar 2012

As if democracy wasn’t sweet enough, you now have an extra incentive to early vote. Anyone who shows an “I voted” sticker at Sugarland will receive a free cupcake! Nobody tell Michelle Obama about this or she’ll come here, shut down the operation and force-feed us all okra to compensate.

South Building steez

The new best thing on Twitter is the parody Holden Thorp account. Written in the style of that ridiculous Bill Nye account, “YA BOY THORP” makes our mild-mannered, Rubik’s cube-solving, Miata-driving chancellor sound more like the hyped-up, rap-loving, Twitter superstar we all know he aspires to be.

With the first pick…

Long-time NBA Commissioner David Stern announced last Thursday that he’ll be stepping down from his post in February. The commish is definitely one of a kind — who else enjoys getting booed? — but given that he accidentally referred to Hurricane Sandy as “Katrina,” maybe it’s his time to go.

Rock you like a…

Hurricane Sandy walloped the Northeast this week, downing trees, flooding subway stations and cutting power for millions of Americans. While this is clearly sad, it was rainy here too! UNC should have cancelled classes Monday and Tuesday. Y’know, so we can show the Northeast solidarity and stuff.

Dr. Evil

Do you think professors who schedule exams for Nov. 1 are somehow unaware of what Halloween is, or are they truly getting in the holiday spirit by being completely evil? If they’re going to insist on an exam today, they should have the common courtesy to give it in a dim, quiet room with free Gatorade and Advil.