Quickhits for Dec. 4, 2012

I quit.

Just when exam week couldn’t get any more hellish, this weather happens. There is a weather god and he is cruel. How are we supposed to study when it’s 70 degrees? We’re starting a movement to legally require the weather to be cold during finals. If the General Assembly can legislate climate, why can’t we?

Pencil pusher

Friday, the DTH published an article on professional pencil sharpener David Rees. Rees will sharpen your pencil to a “professional point” for the low, completely reasonable, not-at-all insane price of $35. This is the exact sort of innovation and entrepeneurship Chancellor Thorp has been talking about!

Maison de Gaufres

Last week, it was announced that Waffle House — a purveyor of good decisions, healthy food and clean facilities — will be joining other Franklin Street “breakfast” joints. If this Waffle House is anything like every other Waffle House, the town’s intelligentsia will gather there to debate the great issues of our time.

Fast food made slow

Last week, Carolina Dining Services went to the Union Board of Directors to ask for input on lackluster sales between 3 a.m. and 8 a.m. One CDS official posited that perhaps “people just don’t like breakfast.” Right. Or maybe they just don’t like ordering breakfast at 7 a.m. and receiving it in February.

By any other name…

So this isn’t really apropos of anything, but can we talk about “Chubbies” shorts? There’s nothing wrong with the shorts themselves — though they do leave far too little frat-thigh to the imagination — but that name? “Chubbies?” Is anyone else a little bit nauseated just saying it out loud? No? Nobody? Freaks.

That’s no moon…

In the latest in a series of crazy petitions to the White House, hundreds have signed their names to a list demanding beginning construction of a functioning Death Star by 2016. No matter how ridiculous this whole business is, somehow it’s still more plausible than applying for secession.