Quickhits for March 21, 2013

U mad?

March Madness is everyone’s favorite time of year, and if it’s not yours, then you’re wrong. Every single thing about it is great. Non-stop games on the first day hindering any and all productivity nationwide. Teams like the Iona College Gaels putting the fear of God in a 2-seed. Beer. It’s perfect. Except for…

AN EIGHT SEED?!?!

The NCAA selection committee’s magic/broken eight ball decided that UNC was only worthy of an eight seed in this year’s tournament. It’s an abomination. A travesty. A crime against humanity. An utter and complete wrongdoing. The worst thing to ever happen in history ever. What do you mean I’m exaggerating?

Transparency

Yoga pants supplier Lululemon has announced that it will be recalling some of its yoga pants because they are too transparent. Heterosexual men the world around are devastated at the news. Wait, do you hear that? It’s the sound of dozens of angry letters pouring into The Daily Tar Heel. Keep ‘em coming.

I can change him

Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn recently announced her romantic involvement with world-class golfer and no-class sexter (OH!) Tiger Woods. The blogosphere is rife with speculation as to what it is she sees in the man. My guess is that she’s just really into multiracial Stanford-educated golfers. Everyone has a type.

Russian to judgement

UNC grad Igor Fedyukin has been selected to lead an investigation of plagiarism in Russia that could target top officials, including Vladimir Putin. For the sake of his safety, and our entertainment, Fedyukin should wear a GoPro camera so we can see whatever wacky stuff is happening in Russia today.

Don’t vote

Damon Seils recently won a special, uncontested election in Carrboro to fill a vacant seat on the Board of Aldermen. Seils was elected with a stirring mandate from the people — well, the 261 people that voted at least. Quality use of $11,000 there, Carrboro. But really, isn’t democracy priceless?