Go back to school
North Carolina public education received an “F” for not valuing education enough. Dear people in charge of our public schools, get it together. You are embarrassing us in front of the other states. We love our schools and teachers. They are not the problem — you are. So get to work and do your jobs better.
Rise up
We usually do not give Duke a thumbs up, but its non-tenured track professors are trying to unionize. No amount of school pride can overcome our love for workers uniting. We support you, comrades. This “right-to-work-state” cannot stop us now. Remember, you have nothing to lose but your chains.
Evil corporations
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Do you all remember the ACME Corporation from Looney Toons? That evil company that was literally behind every dastardly deed? It kind of reminds us of Aramark, the company providing all our food on campus. They both play behind the scenes, but also avidly try to ruin the lives of thousands of people.
Court in recess
Justice Antonin Scalia died last week and while we feel bad he died, he was a terrible justice. He was homophobic and hurt people on almost every decision he made. Let’s just hope we get a new justice who can accept that archaic ideas about marriage are wrong and should not be used as legal precedent.
