The views presented below do not reflect those of The Daily Tar Heel. Just Cy Neff.
Finals season. Dreaded more than a political discussion with your grandparents — scarier than a ‘We need to talk’ text. For the more high-strung Tar Heels out there, the studying binges begin now. The daunting, faceless hours in the library that leave your soul sucked so dry that you lose perception of the outside world. A time of year that leaves you strung out and emotionally drained to the point where you need a really good cry.
Your delicious tears — definitively salty but with tangy notes of vanilla and smoke — will give the food some needed flavor. While you sit there, watching much more beautiful, much smarter students pass you by, you will come to the inevitable realization that your crippling fear of failure is fighting a losing battle with your monumental lack of motivation. The tears will spring from your eyes, leak down your splotchy face and leave their unique flavor in the bland food below you.
3. Fraternity court
Yikes. Always something worth crying about here.
4. Genome Science Building
Genome 110, twelfth row up, four to the left of the right aisle. Remember that time your professor put up the test distribution? And you wondered what dumbass got a 27? Remember the grip of despair twisting its hands tight around your gut when the tests came back, and you were, in fact, the dumbass? The tears that mingled with snot and ran down your mucous-slicked chin like wildfire? Well, if you don’t, be sure to stop on by and re-kindle some light trauma.
5. The sky
Most anywhere on campus with a view of the cold, unfeeling North Carolina afternoon sky between November and February will be sure to bring on the tears with via a good dose of Seasonal Depression.™
6. Fetzer Hall
Always good for the kind of cry you’re looking for when you’re searching for validation that UNC’s student body is indeed somehow not only more intelligent, but also more attractive than you will ever be. Yes, you.
7. Silent Sam (if lonely)
Feeling down? Friends not coming through like they said they would? The University will discretely provide one for you! Expect a visit from an ‘auto mechanic’ who’s recently come upon hard times to help brighten up your day!
8. Point-to-Point (Thursday through Saturday, 10 p.m. until the bus stops)
For the student who wants to chase their ugly, hideous gasping sobs by guzzling liquor out of a Dasani bottle.
10. Bushes behind the Bell Tower
UNC’s worst-kept secret, these bushes offer quick privacy for anyone that’s feeling an impending emotional breakdown between classes.
Because honestly, sometimes college and the world start getting real heavy and life feels like it’s overwhelming you and weighing you down a lot more than it should be. It’s okay to not be okay, so if you’re feeling like life is too much, then hit up one.
Welcome to the 2020-21 edition of The Daily Tar Heel, now in our 128th year!
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