Halloweekend, in all of its glory, is upon us. Before we launch into our Halloween tips, you, reader, may be thinking: what qualifies these two extremely good-looking writers to give us tips about Halloween? To which we would respond: YAFI knows Halloween. We know it deep in our collective bones. In fourth grade, Annie had bronchitis during Halloween, but DID SHE LET THAT STOP HER? No. She dressed up as the Bride of Frankenstein, cleverly using her existing pallor and scratchy voice to her advantage. Kent grew up in the Midwest, so, naturally, dressed up as corn on the cob for Halloween every year until he was 14. That kind of dedication? That kind of grit? You don’t see that every day. With that, we present:
YAFI’s Halloweekend Tips
- Be unique: Everyone and their mom will, for example, be dressed as Kanye and Lil Pump’s blocky-shouldered characters in the “I Love It” music video. Think outside the box! Go as a plain white hallway, or a faceless sculpture. That’ll show them. Anyone can dress up as a witch, but only you can summon your own ancestors in a seance and parade them around Franklin Street. Always strive for authenticity.
- Keep your wits about you: Franklin Street on Halloween is packed with drunk, disorderly, masked crowds. It is imperative that you stay on your toes, as you must always be searching for the opportune moment to launch yourself into the air and commence crowd surfing.
- Think ahead: We all know Halloween often means binge-eating candy, cookies and other desserts. We will not stand for this lapse in self control, and neither should you. A quick and easy way to circumvent cravings is to force feed yourself several pounds of straight sugar beforehand. You’ll be wildly uncomfortable, but you will not succumb to the allure of candy, and for that, you should be proud.
- Be dedicated: Commit yourself fully to your costume. This is method acting. You are Daniel Day-Lewis, and this is your Academy-Award-winning role in Lincoln. Immerse yourself. Dressing as a black cat? Be sure to consume massive amounts of hair beforehand, so that you’re always prepared to cough up a realistic looking hairball. Do not waver in your dedication. Halloween is not a holiday for the weak.
- Have FUN: This weekend is the most important weekend of your life, so make sure to build realistic expectations and live in the moment.
- 666: The devil’s number! Always important to keep in mind. Trick or treat!
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