Yes, the rumors are true. I, Kent Matthew McDonald, unofficial Daily Tar Heel relationship columnist and aspiring Real Housewife of New York City, can confirm that I do, indeed, NOT have a crush anymore!
It all started while watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy (Season 9, Episode 3 for the fans), which is something I regularly do when needing to induce a catharsis but lack the funds to bleach my hair. In this particular episode, Dr. Miranda Bailey’s son, Tuck, starts first grade. Bailey describes Tuck eagerly running to class on his first day, letting go of his mother’s hand with perfect ease. It breaks her heart.
Bailey compensates by redirecting her maternal energies toward her former interns, only to find they are fully grown and have interns of their own. Frustrated and hurt, Bailey resorts to furiously cleaning a dirty microwave. But no amount of vigorous scrubbing will fix the aging appliance. Eventually, Dr. Richard Webber, the kind hospital patriarch, intervenes and tells Bailey: “You know what happens when someone lets go of your hand? You get it back.”
I’d been holding on to the same crush since October because I didn’t want my hand back. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t holding on to someone else. It’s much easier to let go when there’s something new to hold on to. What’s hard is letting go and discovering all that’s there is you.
I’ve spent the better part of the past year madly applying to jobs, fellowships and internships, feverishly waiting for some golden ticket to the perfect life to waltz in and whisk me away like a knight in shining armor. I kept thinking: If I get this, win that or date him, I’ll be whole. Once I have “it,” I’ll finally be able to let go.