In recent months, UNC students have been baffled by the growing number of unicycles on campus. In particular, one first-year unicyclist has been boosted to Campus Celebrity status due to her presence in posts on the UNC Campus story and Yik Yak.
“A lot of students would be surprised to learn that we do not have a bike friendly campus, let alone a unicycle friendly campus,” One bricklayer explained. “I can’t imagine why this girl would sacrifice her safety just to show off.”
To the surprise of the majority of the UNC student body and faculty, the unicyclist has no choice in the matter.
“I don’t like Zooey Deschanel. I’m not trying to be quirky or different and I don’t want this to define me,” The unicyclist explained, clearly desperate to be accepted in the UNC community. “I just never learned how to ride a bike.”
Heckled by peers daily, the unicylcist maintains that if more efficient means of transportation were available to her, she would ditch the unicycle altogether. Unfortunately, that is not a choice she can make.
“There’s definitely a unicycle stigma here on campus. But it’s not a lifestyle choice. I was born this way.”
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