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The Daily Tar Heel
View from the Hill

Election 2016 roundup: feat. a warm kiss

Debate News:

  • CNBC’s Wednesday night comedy lineup ratings were bolstered by the third GOP presidential debate last night. Candidates and moderators co-existed well, real issues were tackled and it was a respectful and enlightening night. Just kidding, none of that happened.
  • Carly Felineorina pawed the most airtime, talking for more than 10 minutes, while Jeb Bush missed the debate to go to a Texas Rangers game with his brother. Wait, hold on, we are receiving news that Jeb Bush was in fact at the debate, and spoke just more than Rand Paul.

Democratic Candidate Breakdown:

Martin O’Malley: Not a Republican, but made it out to the debate grounds anyway, where he met with students and families at the University of Colorado Boulder’s campus, before and during the GOP debate. While John Boehner found one elusive being, O’Malley looks for another, saying, "in these beautiful mountains of Colorado, I am in search of a very elusive being, and that is a Republican candidate with backbone to take on the NRA."

Bernie Sanders: Not to be outdone in the eyes of Colorado’s students, during the GOP debate Sanders endorsed an end to the federal prohibition of marijuana. Bern baby bern!

Hillary Clinton: Showed us the 9 stages of an 11-hour Benghazi hearing.

Jim Webb & Lincoln Chaffee: It’s been fun, guys! Jim Webb, who killed a man once in war, and Lincoln Chaffee, have now both dropped out of the race for the democratic nomination. With Biden not entering, the democratic field consists of Clinton, Sanders, O’Malley and Lawrence Lessig, who looks to break into the next democratic debate.

Republican Candidate Breakdown — debate edition:

Marco Rubio (feat. Jeb Bush): C’est la vie, Marco. Known as close friends, Bush and Rubio threw (verbal) punches last night. “But Marco, when you signed up for this, this was a six-year term, and you should be showing up to work,” Bush said, attacking Rubio’s attendance record. “I mean, literally, the Senate — what is it, like, a French work week? You get, like, three days where you have to show up?” Rubio replied that Bush never questioned John McCain’s attendance record. Bush has cited McCain’s 2008 run as one he would like to model his campaign after.

Ted Cruz: In response to one question, Cruz went on the attack against THE EVIL LIBERAL MEDIA (*cough* (Raleigh) News & Observer). He said the questions asked by CNBC’s team were pitting candidates against each other and ignoring the real issues.

His view was shared by his peers and the crowd, drawing applause from the latter. Carl Quintanilla, whose original question Cruz was replying to said, “I just want the record to reflect I asked you about the debt limit, and I got no answer.”

Jeb Bush: Said, “You find a Democrat that’s for cutting taxes, cutting spending $10, I’ll give ’em a warm kiss.” Not so incentivizing for the Dems.

John Kasich: Turned aggressive last night, going after political outsiders Donald Trump and Ben Carson. Kasich attacked their inexperience and called their potential policies — Carson’s proposed 10 percent flat tax and Trump’s views on immigration — fantasy. Kasich’s biggest rivalry however, may be with the Philadelphia 76ers.

In other news, family man Paul Ryan has reluctantly stepped up as Republican House Speaker, replacing John Boehner. He said, “The house is broken. We’re not solving problems, we’re adding to them.” If anyone can fix a house divided, it is this brick house.

Quote of the Week:

“As I travel around the country, I do pints and politics…”

Rick Santorum, during the JV GOP debate

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