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The Daily Tar Heel

Sex Isn't Bad - Try It This Weekend

"Oh, so it's not the whole breast that goes inside. I get it," I said as the light bulb went off inside my head.

My friend, who we'll refer to as "Lola," was telling me about one of her sexual fantasies.

At first, she was really shy about discussing such thoughts so explicitly. It took her a while to get the whole story out, mostly because she kept interrupting her own narrative flow with silly questions. She would ask, "Isn't that weird?" or "Do you think that's gross?"

But I assured Lola, "Of course it's not weird. It's just sex. It's not even sex really. It's just a detailed description of what gets you off ... go on please."

And she did.

Lola painted a beautiful scene with her words. She told me about the girl. She said they would start out with gentle kisses. She imagines silky, full lips. The girl would kiss her, sliding her tongue inside Lola's mouth. But the fantasy girl would never be sloppy or overly eager like so many guys Lola had kissed.

The girl knows more than Lola. She knows how to handle Lola. She knows where to start and when to stop. She reaches each of Lola's tender spots and withdraws her touch from time to time -- all in a grand effort to leave Lola craving more.

"So do lesbians have any kind of intercourse?" I asked stupidly.

"Hush, I'll get to that," Lola said.

And she did.

She imagined the kissing and fondling stretching over hours. Sometimes, it would all culminate with the girl's fingers finding their way inside of Lola. They didn't have to stay there long, for Lola's quite worked up at this point.

"Last time I fantasized about this," she said, "it ended after the girl rubbed her breast inside of me. That really did it."

Then she explained how it would have to be the tip of the breast that went inside -- the girl's nipple doing most of the work.

"Wow," I said to Lola. "I think I must be a lesbian trapped in a gay man's body, 'cause that totally turned me on."

"You don't think it makes me sound cheap? Or weird?"

Oh, Lola!

I explained to her that it was just a sexual fantasy. That people have all sorts of "weird" fantasies.

Some people imagine kinky presidential positions (like Bill Clinton); I guess the whole power kick can be a real turn-on.

Others might fantasize about orgies or nuns or just having sex in a public setting. Some sex fantasies involve intimacy while others are just about getting off.

But Lola's girl-on-girl fantasy shouldn't make her feel weird. I assured her that it's actually a pretty tame fantasy -- especially when compared to my own.

"So," I asked Lola, "when's the last time you had this fantasy?"

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"Last night. When I was having sex with my boyfriend. And I didn't get off with him. Once he finished and rolled over to sleep, I had to go masturbate ... with the fantasy in mind of course," Lola said.

I was appalled.

But not terribly surprised.

I explained some lessons to Lola:

Lesson No. 1: Sexual expression is a must.

The quintessential modern sex goddess once wrote: "A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want." (Tell me who she is and you might win a prize.)

Everyone's thinking about sex. So by talking about sex, we're admitting that fact. And discussing your private fantasies aloud can be fun and insightful. It's perfectly normal to fantasize about various sexual escapades, so don't feel dirty for talking about them out loud.

Lesson No. 2: Fantasies should be analyzed, because they can reveal much about an individual.

A man who's typically in positions of authority, specifically at his workplace, often fantasizes about being dominated in the bedroom. The thought of being the more submissive one in sexual play gives him a dash of variety. In the fantasy, things aren't so stressful since he's not calling the shots.

In Lola's case, the fantasy indicates that her needs aren't being met with her current relationship. In fact, as I carefully told Lola, I'm thinking she's in the first stages of "coming out."

When a girl has to dream about female touch to climax, it's pretty safe to say she's a lesbian. But it's too bad society stigmatizes homosexuality to the point of making girls like Lola feel weird when they exhibit same-sex desires.

Lesson No. 3: Individuals should always be true to their nature.

Lola knows what she is. And as long as she's not really hurting anyone, she must simply be what she is to lead a fulfilling life. Discussing her fantasies might seem insignificant, but Lola must make steps to deal with her sexuality.

Sex isn't dirty.

It's a part of who we are. So let's stop repressing ourselves and start celebrating each and every aspect that makes us human.

Cameron Mitchell is a junior journalism and mass communication major from Burnsville. If you're a lesbian trapped in a gay man's body, write Cameron at mitchel6@email.unc.edu.

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