Kvetching board for Nov. 20

kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Dear children walking around UNC’s campus: Just because I’m a 6-foot, 1-inch black girl does not mean I have anything to do with the basketball team.

Pregaming before the meteor shower = epic fail.

To the guy who finished his exam 30 minutes before anyone else: Let’s hope you don’t repeat that performance in bed.

John Grisham is our commencement speaker? Really, UNC? Was Nicholas Sparks busy or something?

To the girl who pushed me in the puddle last week: I have pneumonia. Thanks for that.

To my suitemate: Did you really want everyone to see your pregnancy test in the bathroom?

To the person who left his hair shavings all over the sink: I see a failed marriage in your future.

Ehringhaus: Your dryers smell like pee and weed.

Dear Davis elevators: Maybe we should DTR. I can push your buttons, but do I turn you on? I can’t handle this uncertainty.

Dear Bottom of Lenoir bathrooms: I really do like meeting new people, but I’d like to have my pants on when I do it. Please fix the stall locks.

Hey construction guys: Maybe if you didn’t park your enormous trucks on the sidewalk, you wouldn’t have to replace every curb on  campus. Just thinking out loud.

To the girl who stole Lunchables from the Pit Stop on Tuesday: If you’re going to go through the trouble of stealing lunch, at least steal real food.

To the girl with very thin gray leggings on: If you’re going to wear something I can see through, don’t have on underwear that says “You had me at Hello” on the butt. Goodbye is all I have to say.

My answer is NO, Dance Marathoners. Harass me one more time and I’ll roundhouse you — then tell you it’s for the children.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to dthedit@gmail.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’