Kvetching board for October 29, 2010

kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

Dear Old East RA: Is it really necessary to start every e-mail with “Greetings Minions”?

To the RA across the hall: Could you please refrain from having sex every school night? Your screams are distracting us from our homework. Love, your concerned first years.

To the person who draws giant penises on the elevators in Morrison: Please stop, we all know what you’re compensating for.

To the girl smoking a huge joint cruising down Franklin on a Wednesday afternoon…I want to go where you’re going.

I made a rookie mistake and wore long sleeves at the end of October. What was I thinking?

The Nerf gun might be replacing the lanyard as the best way to not get laid.

You know it’s Halloween when almost every bulletin board in the dorm warns you about the dangers of alcohol and the importance of contraceptives.

To the guy walking down Franklin Street with a paddle hanging out of his backpack: Are you coming from your fraternity or BDSM 101?

To the kid who opened the door with a huge boner when I went around asking people to vote: Sorry I wasn’t the booty call you were probably expecting.

Humans vs. zombies was so last year. I was hoping this year would have been humans vs Snookis.
Nextbus … you sit on a throne of lies.

To the bloody chap with the British flag umbrella: This is America. Love it or leave it.

To the women in the porn I watch: Please stop screaming so loud that you wake up my roommate.

Dear slow walkers at UNC: If Marcel the Shell could pass you, you need to pick up the pace.

I love secret court cases by newspapers. Too bad I didn’t get to see the e-mail about it.

Is the DTH still throwing darts to come up with front page stories? Or did the zombies take over the DTH office and decide to put their fake struggle with humans on the front page?

To Town of Chapel Hill Homegrown Halloween: Thanks for ruining my yearlong plan of being Lara Croft by banning cardboard cutouts of costume-related weapons. Are you scared someone might get a paper cut?

Dear urinals in Davis: You seem to not understand that our relationship is one-way.

To the girls who claimed that the Davis Library elevators “hate us;” well, how would you like it if you were being ridden all day?

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to editdesk@unc.edu, subject line ‘kvetch.’