Kvetching board for September 9, 2011

kvetch:
v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

!Alert Carolina!: Just showing the world how good UNC is at playing “Red Light, Green Light.”

To the CompSci kid with a cast on his wrist: Don’t lie to us. We all know your carpal tunnel isn’t from typing.

To the girl who gets off the elevator on the second floor: I know that limp is fake, and I now judge you more harshly than I did before.

To all the seniors who skipped the first football game: I’m a fan, who the #@!$ are you?

Yeah, if you had neglected that Angry Birds game for one minute, you probably would have missed that pole.

To the kid in the front row of Poli 100: I can smell the s—- on your nose from the back row.

To the College Republicans asking for thousands of dollars from Student Congress: So much for wanting to reduce government spending.

Dear Blue Zone: Sorry if those noisy fans disturbed your wine and cheese tasting.

To everyone shooting me nasty looks for wearing rainboots with shorts: You’re just jealous that you don’t have the legs to pull it off. Haters gonna hate.

Earthquake, hurricane and tornado – all I need now is volcano or meteor impact and I win Cataclysm Bingo.

To the girl who presented her “research” findings on Beethoven to the class: Thank you for reading the Wikipedia page aloud. I’m way ahead of you.

Dear John Henson: Could you help me reach the food in the back row of the salad bar at Lenoir? Sincerely, Normal-Sized Student.

Every year, guys, every year. Hold on one extra second so we can say “go to hell, Dook!” TOGETHER.

Am I the only one who has noticed that Zach Galifianakis works in the bottom of the bookstore?

To the guy in some sorostitute’s Southern Studies class: I saw you on campus and your mullet is super sexy. Love, a Carolina girl tired of guys with salmon shorts and Bieber-do’s.

To the professor that said “Don’t go swimming in a pool of vodka because you’ll get drunk:” What’s the issue here?

It still makes me cringe every time my professor uses Internet Explorer.

To the people wondering what a gay guy was doing in a Christian a cappella group: Hey, what’s a black man doing in the White House? Oh, right — running the show.

Send your one-to-two sentence entries to
opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’