Kvetching Board for September 27, 2013

kvetch:

v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

If you’re wearing Nike shorts and I can see your butt, you’re doing it wrong.

To my roommate who uses homemade deodorant: I have a Secret for you — it’s not working.

I get that Alert Carolina works for a drill, so where was the warning for the tornado that went through the UL women’s restroom?

Can someone please tell me why there are Band-Aids on the ground everywhere?

I love when girls complain about how hard it is to find a date with the gender ratio here. Try being a gay male. Sincerely, 10 percent of your 40 percent.

To my roommate who thinks her kvetches aren’t getting published because she’s sending them to the wrong email address: I checked — you spelled opinion right.

To the asshole in the Davis stacks: I can’t decide which is more offensive — your rape jokes, your complete lack of geographical knowledge or your Bass Pro Shops hat.

To my first-year daughter: should I be concerned when you text me, “How long do people have to wait to drink after they get a concussion?”

Chem lab problems: Making Aspirin gave me a headache.

To The Clothing Warehouse on Franklin: If I wanted to pay $30 for a skirt, I wouldn’t go to a thrift shop.

To the guy messing with his crotch during our history test, two heads are not better than one.

To my roommate who keeps her NyQuil in the liquor cabinet: Who do you think you are, Lil Wayne?

To my roommates who jokingly signed me up for the pro-life listserv at FallFest: It was funny until I was five days late …

To the girls I heard bragging about their night at the clubs: sounds like you were twerking hard — or were you hardly twerking?

Instead of paying Wale $90,000, how about we use it to pay some new recruits who can beat Georgia Tech.

Hey science majors, I’m not the only one who maniacally says “la-BORE-uh-tory” in my head while studying, am I?

To the girl brushing her teeth in the bathroom of the UL: might be about time for you to head home.

Regarding Mumford & Sons’ announcement of their “indefinite break”: I will wait, I will wait for you.

To the girl in our English 338 recitation who kept talking about “Charles Dickinson”: I think you might be in the wrong major.

To all my fellow business students: Raise your hand if you’ve felt personally victimized by PowerPoint.

Send your one-to-two ?sentence entries to ?opinion@dailytarheel.com, subject line ‘kvetch.’