Drew Goins (headed to Norfolk, Va., to be a Dow Jones News Fund intern this summer) and Kelsey Weekman (please hire her, please please PLEASE) are the advice columnists of “You Asked for It.” Results may vary.
You: My best friends are graduating this year. How do I keep up with them while they’re in the real world?
YAFI: What even is the real world? Other than the wildly entertaining MTV series that is among the most valuable things the ‘90s gave us (besides those Beanie Babies that are worth either thousands of dollars or a door slam in the face.)
Follow them on their wild adventures, from swamps to swinging bridges over fiery pits. If a dragon tries to seduce you, just go with it! Also, be a talking donkey.
But eventually you will have to let them embrace this life update, now with more than 300 new emojis and bug fixes! Don’t be the click wheel that holds them back.
Don’t lose touch. Send them a weekly newsletter of UNC happenings, from Sweet Frog benefit nights you didn’t attend to RA floor meetings you attended against your will. That makes them contractually obligated to buy you a Blue Cup upon return.
You: What’s a Chapel Hill resident to do to keep from being bored when this place empties out for the summer?
YAFI: Sure, there’s no line for YoPo, but you have no one to eat it with since you’ve got fewer friends in town than the number of people who’ve been saving their receipts for a free cup.
Walking down a quiet Franklin Street can be peaceful, but look out for the rogue tumbleweeds that form from all the dorm shower drain hair that’s finally removed over the summers.
See the ghost town from a new perspective; search for the actual friendly ghosts, like Casper and — we’re convinced — the Arboretum whistler.
Head over to any of the local high schools to make some new friends before they let out for the summer. Bond over perennial high school favorites like Silly Bandz, Akon and liking Facebook pages representative of commonly shared experiences.
The heat will make you sweat more than a summer tour guide in a backpack and a button-up, so beat the heat by going for a dip in that fountain in front of Bynum.
And, hey, you can always read YAFI, because we’ve successfully hoodwinked the editors into keeping us on board for all summer and next year!