I am considering purchasing Spotify Premium so I can choose the soundtrack to my own inevitable murder.
I walk home late a lot. After a long night of editing in the basement of the journalism school, I brace myself against the cold of the night, pop in my headphones and put on a playlist of carefully curated songs.
Each song is hand picked so that if I, on my short trek home, am horrifically murdered (Or not horrifically. The degree of horror isn’t really the point here.), it won’t be too embarrassing when I’m found by a passing jogger and/or my murderer returning to the scene of the crime to hide in plain sight.
Because I don’t want to be known as the “Tubthumping Murder Girl.”
“Tubthumping” is a 1997 rock song from British band Chumbawamba off the album “Tubthumper.”
If I am murdered while listening to “Tubthumping,” this column won’t matter. My body of professional work won’t matter. The plays I’ve painstakingly written, the short stories I’ve meticulously crafted, the satirical advice column I wrote between classes on Tuesday mornings — they’ll all be forgotten by the headlines.
My identity will dissolve to this singular moment and this breakaway pop-rock single.
“Tubthumping (Remix)” was released in 2003 by The Flaming Lips and Dave Fridmann. I’m not sure if it would be better, worse or ambivalent if I were to become the “Tubthumping (Remix) Murder Girl.”
I can foresee the ledes of the front page — OK, downpage front — OK, inside page — OK, online-only listicle stories. “She got knocked down, but she didn’t get up again.”