I hail from Baltimore, the most beautiful city in the universe, and I have intense Maryland pride.
I dressed up as a crab for Halloween twice, I know our flag is the envy of all other states, and I have teared up explaining to friends how my local shopping center has both a Panera and a Noodles & Company. Still, there is one thing about Baltimore that destroys me each holiday season, and that is the song “Crabs for Christmas.”
“Crabs for Christmas” brings shame upon the Eastern seaboard. My first memory of this blight on the Mid-Atlantic is from when I was about 6 years old, and became distraught when local radio icon Fran Lane played the song twice in one hour whilst refusing to play holiday classic “Last Christmas” by Wham! The mere tune has haunted me since.
Last year, when I spent my first holiday season at UNC, I noticed a couple days before winter break that I hadn’t heard “Crabs for Christmas” on the radio yet. Was it a coincidence? I asked my North Carolina friends and they informed me that they had actually never heard of such a song. They doubted its existence.
I was shocked, and then it dawned on me: “Crabs for Christmas” is an exclusively Baltimore phenomenon, and I’m free from it in Chapel Hill. I love UNC around the holidays for many reasons, but this is number one.