I have always been a chronic pushover and a people-pleaser. I want to make sure the people in my life don’t leave — and so I do all I can to hold them tight. But that also means I struggle with confrontation and I don’t like putting my opinions out in the open.
Opinions lead to disagreement, which leads to arguing, which leads to leaving, which I cannot handle.
So, when I impulsively applied to the opinion desk of The Daily Tar Heel last spring, it was a challenge to myself: to be more confrontational and be more willing to engage in uncomfortable dialogue. While my time at this paper has been brief, I feel content knowing I have fulfilled that personal challenge.
I have learned more about this community than I ever thought I wanted to, and I have fallen in love with it as a result. And perhaps more importantly, I have learned more about myself and the type of person I want to be.
Now, as I approach graduation in less than two weeks, that personal fear of abandonment has turned itself into guilt. It has become fear that I am abandoning this place I have become so drawn to.
The people of Chapel Hill aren’t mad at me, they get it. This is a college town where the population changes all the time. Students and young professionals constantly come and go, a conveyor belt of brilliant minds and optimism.
Over the past four years, I have spent countless hours learning the history and culture of this area. I have covered the events that have shaped Chapel Hill, spoken to countless community members and learned the messy past of this place.
It has all been utterly exhausting and at times demoralizing, but through reporting, I made Chapel Hill my home.
I know someone will fill the gap. There will be another bright-eyed young reporter who finds immense fulfillment in listening to the stories of the people of the Greene Tract or spending hours digging into the corruption of my now mortal enemy, the Chapel Hill Alliance for a Livable Town.
