Editor's note: This article is satire.
The "Who Would Win" book series is a collection that pits two animals against each other and evaluates who would win. Here are my own, with a modern twist.
Selena Gomez versus Narcissus
In case any of you did not have an intense two-year Percy Jackson-inspired Greek mythology phase in elementary school, Narcissus is a Greek figure who was so entrenched with his own beauty he fell in love with his reflection in a pool of water.
His love for himself was so deep he ultimately died from a lack of any sort of nourishment, refusing to look away from his own reflection in the water.
This is a level of narcissism I see directly mirrored in Selena Gomez. In the wake of a genocide occurring in Gaza, Gomez felt the need to clarify to the general public that, like always, she’s the true victim here.
Taking to Instagram to share the revelation that “there’s a lot going on in the world right now,” Gomez faced extreme backlash over her disconnected post and later went on to say that she needed to take a break from social media.
While children in Gaza are bombed and killed, from which they have no way of taking a break from, it’s always comforting to know that a celebrity like Selena Gomez can prioritize herself. It’s for this reason that I’ll hand this battle to Selena. Maybe if she cries enough crocodile tears she too can longingly stare into the reflection of her face just like Narcissus.
Selena: 1 Narcissus: 0