Binge Watch Guide: Spongebob Squarepants

Oh, Magic Conch, how should I put off getting anything done over break? By watching “Spongebob Squarepants,” of course. Winter Break is the perfect time to turn on a few episodes, eat some Spongebob character-shaped Kraft Macaroni (still the best mac and cheese I’ve ever had) and relive your childhood. If the folks of Bikini Bottom weren’t a part of your elementary school years, it’s never too late to start and finally see what the hoopla is about.

Time Commitment: If you want to watch all 194 episodes, the commitment is super high (about 72 hours). But since all of the episodes are stand alone, you definitely don’t have to watch all of them. So really, the time commitment is whatever you want it to be.

The Takeaway: The show’s incredible sense of humor is what has made “Spongebob” such a classic in so many homes 16 years after it first aired on Nickelodeon (yikes, this makes me feel old). The jokes are simple yet super clever, and chances are you’ll find yourself laughing at things you didn’t understand when watching it in kindergarten.

Unfortunately, the show’s quality has gone way down since the first Spongebob movie came out 12 years ago. Humor gets stale as the writers rely more on mediocre slapstick jokes and less on the sharp wit that made the yellow sponge such a hit amongst kids — and their parents — in the first place. Stick to the first three seasons.

If that’s still too much of a time commitment for you, here’s a list of the best fourteen episodes that can’t be missed.

14. The Camping Episode

Remember bothering all of your teachers by constantly singing this song everywhere in third grade?

13. Rock-A-Bye Bivalve

Source: Spongebob Wikia

This episode actually created a ton of controversy when it aired, which makes Spongebob and Patrick’s domestic disputes all the more hilarious.

12. Procrastination

Source: Spongebob Wikia

The most painfully relatable episode of the series to date.

11. Grandma’s Kisses

Source: IMDB

Spongebob embodies all of us when he realizes being an adult is actually terrible.

10. Krusty Krab Training Video

Source: Rhode Island Movie Corner

Me too, Squidward, me too.

9. Christmas Who?

I watch this episode about twice a week during Christmastime and so should you.

8. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV

Source: IMDB

“You got it set to M for Mini when it should be set to W for Wumbo.”

7. Pizza Delivery

Almost every show has its own version of a “road trip” episode, and this episode is one of the best.

6. Sailor Mouth

Source: Spongebob Wikia

“Hey, Patrick, how the [dolphin chirp] are ya?”

5. Squilliam Returns

Source: Spongebob Wikia

Squidward vs. Squilliam may be my favorite rivalry since UNC vs. Dook.

4. Big Pink Loser

Source: Spongebob Wikia

In which Patrick lives my dream and wins an award for literally doing nothing.

3. No Weenies Allowed

Source: Spongebob Wikia

“I'm sorry, sir, but my sensors indicate that you are indeed a weenie.”

2. Chocolate With Nuts

Source: Spongebob Wikia

Rumor has it the Business school makes all of its students watch this episode.

1. Band Geeks

Hands down the greatest twelve minutes and four seconds in television history.

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