The Daily Tar Heel

Serving the students and the University community since 1893

Saturday May 28th

Pit Talk

UNC apps that do not exist, but probably should

Apps are continually enhancing our everyday lives. There’s Venmo, which allows you to make digital payments and simplify your monetary interactions. There are also a couple more important ones, like Animal Selfie (which allows you to superimpose an animal taking a selfie over your own pictures) and Mullet Magic (which allows you to put a mullet on any picture).

The average UNC student can agree that there are a few apps not out there that we absolutely NEED. These are just a few of the apps that would greatly improve my personal experience as a student in this technological age. I think you will agree.

Binder—It’s like Tinder, except for Betta fish. The only pets students are allowed to have in college dorms are fish. This App would allow fish owners to browse other fish in the area for potential hangouts. Beta fish are super aggressive and usually fight other Betta fish that they are exposed to. SO the app would come with a disclaimer—DO NOT PUT FISH IN THE SAME TANK. We do not support fish violence. But, you can watch your fishes have a total show down behind the glasses of their separate tanks. Come on. It’s exciting for them! It’s mental stimulation! Fish health is one essential lifetime wellness skill that they don’t teach you in LFIT. I know what you’re thinking—“Patrick, your genius is showing.”

Math with Friends*—Words with friends is totally biased towards English majors. What about the math majors out there that are just looking for some good, wholesome math merrymaking? Algebra, Calculus, The Theory of Numbers— YOU choose your own category of delight. With this app you will be able to solve equations, draw graphs and sometimes even prove identities! Haha! Fun!

*Please note: If you are not a math major, we do not recommend this app for you. Side effects include: crying, headaches, nausea, forgetting what country and year you live in, wanting to become a potato and death.*

InstaWell—Great news! Your Instagram feed is already full of stunning, creative, unique photos of the Old Well. This app is a social media entirely dedicated to your school-spirited photography.  The Old Well in the summer, the Old Well in the fall, the Old Well in the winter and (my personal favorite) the Old Well in the spring are just a few (actually 100% all) of the perspectives in which you can photograph the symbol of our school. It’s versatile; make it your own!

UNC SELFIE—Much like the app Animal Selfie, this app will allow you to layer a specialized selfie over your own photo of choice. However, instead of animals, UNC Selfie will provide a gallery of selfies of UNC campus celebs for you to choose from! Celebrity options will include Carol Folt, Roy Williams, Pit Preacher Gary, the police woman that manages the cross walk between SRC and the Student Stores, and obviously, myself. These people will ideally submit a new selfie to the gallery every month, and they can make it as fun or as serious as they want. Caption ideas include “Crank dat Soulja Roy” for Roy Williams and “Hold on one second!” for the woman at the crosswalk.

ShaRam—This app is loosely related to Shazam, the app that listens to a song and tells you its name and artist. This app is pretty different and, I daresay, better. It will know all of the UNC spirit songs. You know, the classic UNC songs that we sing/do a weird little arm dance to at every sporting event. I personally never know what’s going on until about halfway through the song. When I finally understand which song we’re doing it's far too late to join in. So I end up standing there with a soft smile, feeling defeated by the wicked monster named School Spirit.

ANYWAY, this app makes School Spirit your friend. When the band starts playing a song, just whip out your phone and ShaRam it. It will tell you the name of the song that every one around you is also pretending to know AND include a detailed description of the pantomime that accompanies it. Never feel naked and afraid at a sporting event again! 

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