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How to become a successful YouTube commenter

Watching YouTube videos isn’t a game. It’s a way of life. You can freely express yourself without having an ounce of creativity. Millions of people do it daily.

Hold up, though. There are rules here, kid, and you can’t use the site, much less enjoy a video, without learning them. Because I’m a nice guy, I’m going to explain them to you. So listen up.

Before you can start commenting, you’re going to need a unique username. Use any combination of your name, a video game, TV show, or artist that you enjoy and a number (if you’re lucky, you’ll get 1, 69 or 420). Have some examples: warhammer1104, 122mikeyman and yoda779 are all equally average.

Wait, kid! Don’t comment on Boyfriend just yet. There’s more work to be done. Even if you’re only commenting on videos, and not actually being creative, you’ll still need to customize your channel. This lets people know who you are, even if your name already summarizes your “personality”.

I suggest you write some basic garbage about how much you love whatever’s in your username. GioIbanezGSZ120’s name is based on a brand of guitars. Can you guess what this guy likes? In case you can’t, here’s his “About Me:”

“Yeah, I like to rock to some crazy guitar!!!”

Great job, GioIbanezGSZ120! This guy gets YouTube.

A custom background picture can also create this effect. UnbreakableJames’s background lets us know he’s an absolutely insane furry without saying it. Well done.

Creative name? Check. Masterfully crafted profile? Check. You’ll be on your way to posting soon enough!

If you like a video, don’t be afraid to show it. Use a variety of emoticons and punctuations to get your opinion across. Don’t waste your time with words; you’ve only got 500 characters, man! Also, don’t forget to write your favorite quote from the video as many times as you can. It’s hilarious and original!

If you absolutely hate what you just saw, feel free to rant, since tons of anonymous people totally care about what you think. Incorrect spelling, curse words and disliking the video will really stick it to the author. They’ll definitely see it in the vast sea of comments other people have made. Make them stay awake all-night, pondering your harsh words and whether or not they should keep making art. Let’s hope they don’t.

Uh oh! Someone’s objected to your comments. Don’t panic. Claim that they are stupid and then viciously, yet ironically, call them out for not having any life. Name-calling works. Check out alberto0997’s recent comments. Utilizing incorrect spelling, lewd vocabulary, faulty punctuation and racism, this guy is a YouTube pro and clearly has tons of friends. If you’re unlucky enough to get on his bad side, watch out.

Now you’re ready to use YouTube, kid. You’re ready to formulate an underdeveloped opinion, post it online and defend it with all your heart. Praise your favorite videos obsessively, or spam the ones you hate and stop its author from ever attempting artistic creation again. How will you use your newly found powers? It’s up to you. Always remember, 500 characters or less.

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