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(04/27/10 2:41am)
As graduation nears, it is time I came clean.Out of the dark and into the light. I’m referring to blues, of course. Yep, I went to Duke.Just so we’re clear, I won’t be using this column to declare any loyalties to one or the other. I defer to the words of the great Mark Twain: “I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places.”But I do want to talk about the big difference, besides my age, that existed between my Duke and UNC experience: at Duke, I never got to write.I applied to be a columnist for Duke’s student newspaper. I sat on waitlists for creative writing classes. I submitted manuscripts to student publications. Strike my previous statement: I did plenty of writing while I was at Duke, but a whole lot of nobody was reading it.I wasn’t a fantastic writer. I’m still not. I’m not the next Ellen Goodman. Duke didn’t miss out on discovering Anna Quindlen’s heir apparent. I just wanted to try it and I was excited by the chance to get involved and challenge myself. But I graduated from Duke without a single byline to my name.Zoom forward a few years and I see columnist openings at The Daily Tar Heel. The same feelings — of wanting a chance and wanting to try — came over me again. And this time, I got to.(I do keep a mental tally of pros and cons of each school. Duke may have better bonfires, but their newspaper staff? In the words of Woody Durham, “Two points for the Tar Heels!”)Why come clean so close to the end? I tell you this because often the end of something as long and as revered as college comes with a sense of downhill momentum. High school graduation comes with a sense of, “We did it! We’re out of here and on to the next adventure!” College graduation comes with a sense of, “Gulp. What’s next?” And what’s next for you is … I have no idea. But maybe it involves being a 28-year-old writer for a college newspaper.As I sat on Duke’s football field sweating in my personal terrarium of a graduation robe, I looked around at graduate professionals and even the families in the stands and I had no idea how to get from where I was to where they were. The road on the map I’d been traveling all my life had been so thoroughly detailed and now suddenly went off the page.I think this is where I write, “So, never give up on your dreams, kids!” And this is where you cringe at the corny antiquated optimism.There are things you missed out on here at UNC. You may have tried something and failed, or never tried at all, or never even thought to try. But that doesn’t mean that you’ve missed your chance. Your UNC experience will define part of you, but not all of you, especially the parts yet to come.I struggled often while at Duke, and not just in the writing world. I came out of it all thinking, “If those were the best years of my life, I am in deep trouble.” Maybe you feel the same here at UNC, and, I promise you, more adventures a wait. To those who have had the time of your life, good for you. Many adventures await you, too, and I hope that the great only gets better.Good luck, and go … team!
(03/19/10 4:09am)
My senior year of college, the student newspaper announced that a new Web site called “thefacebook.com” was open to our campus community.With a few clicks of a mouse, I became part of the first 50,000 users — now only a small drop in the 400 million-person networking tsunami that exists today. But two years ago this month, Facebook and I broke up. I’m not sure if the news feed announced it. But I do know that of my hundreds of friends, only two noticed that I left.Why leave? I’m sure you could name a few reasons. It was a time suck. Nothing really came of it. I felt like a voyeur. I was seeing weddings I wasn’t invited to, finding out about parties with people I didn’t know and befriending people I just met. More than the looking itself, it was the drive to keep looking that turned me off. I imagined people looking at my page. Worse yet, I imagined people not looking at my page. It was like “Rear Window,” except I never looked as good as Grace Kelly.I enjoyed seeing old friends, but I realized that I didn’t feel closer to any of them. I just got the gossip on them — what they were doing and where they were. I didn’t talk to them. I didn’t write them. I just looked at them. And their friends. And their family. And their Christmas photos. And their ultrasounds.My mother tells me stories of her old boyfriends, with the emphasis on old. In the past. Incommunicado.Any curiosity about what they are up to now is met with a shrug and a sigh.But now with Facebook, no one is allowed to let go of the past. Once we graduate, break up or search for a clean slate, some friends stick around like party guests that won’t leave.And while we’re glued to the past, we’re not allowed to step into the future either. What once was unknown can be known with a click of Google’s search button. I once met a guy and thought, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” and realized that somewhere was Facebook.He was married to an old middle-school friend of mine. I wanted to say, “The honeymoon in St. Bart’s looked fun!” but that would have been weird.Of course, Facebook has also been a fantastic way to bring people together. But for me, I wasn’t getting a chance to move on. The more I was looking into the other worlds and comparing it to mine, the less connected I felt to it all.Since then, I’ve started graduate school, and I might have missed a gathering or two announced among Facebook friends, but now I like the idea that if someone wants to get to know me, they’re going to have to work for it. It’s like an automatic screening test for seriousness and loyalty. You’re going to have to ask me — in person — my age and hometown, my religion and political affiliation. I’ll show you my favorite movies and play you my favorite songs. I’ll share my photos with you and tell you about my wonderful friends. I’ll add you to my personal — for my eyes only — collection and, if need be, I will let you move on and grow up.And I’m finally living the life I’d love to put on Facebook.
(03/01/10 5:19am)
It is the magical time of the decade when Olympic programming intersects with movie award show season. The world and I are united behind Morgan Freeman in “Invictus” and Morgan Freeman in those Visa commercials; “Up in the Air” and those freestyle aerialists up in the air; and snowboarding’s Double McTwist 1260 and McDonald’s McFlurry with M&M’s. In honor of these heroes of both slope and screen, I give you the award winners of the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.Best Actor: Johnny Weir. I love the American figure skater from the end of his pink shoulder tassel to the last strand of his Russophile mullet. But mostly I love him for standing up for himself when two Canadian television broadcasters said that he set a bad example for boys aspiring in the sport, as well as joked that he should take a gender test. His response was honest and direct: “I think masculinity is what you believe it to be.”Best Actress: Kristie Moore (the pregnant Canadian curler). I am a big fan of anyone who rocks the baby belly proudly, but especially of someone pushing granite slabs across ice. And she got the silver medal! Not an easy thing to press into the baby book, but what a cool memento to share with your kid.Best Supporting Actor: Stephen Colbert. When DSB Bank NV declared bankruptcy in October, the U.S. speed skating team was uncertain of what would happen without its largest financial sponsor. Up steps the “Colbert Report” comedian, and soon thousands of members of Colbert Nation were showing how if everyone pitches in a little, a lot gets done. Speaking of supporting, Colbert also asked the tough questions, such as “What do you wear under those skin-tight suits?”Best Supporting Actress: alpine skier Lindsey Vonn’s eyelashes. Seriously, how do these athletes look so good after crossing the finish line or completing a program? I’d be bent over like an asthmatic dinosaur with a face as a red as Shaun White’s hair. Somehow these women seem to have all their bedazzled nude mesh in place and their cheeks looking flush as if they’ve been riding in a one-horse open sleigh.Best sound effects: Scott Hamilton. The former Olympic skater “oohs!” when skaters fall and shrieks when they succeed. And in one amazing moment, he even growled like a cat to describe a Russian skater’s feline-like ability to land his jumps.Best Choreography: Bobsledders. I saw some of you all sledding on Lenoir Dining Hall trays during the snow storms. None of us have the coordination to run and seamlessly jump onto an oversized sled alone, let alone four people.The Olympics and movies give us hope that we can find triumph in our everyday. I hope that when tragedy touches my life, I’ll be able to take to the ice like bronze-medal winning figure skater Joannie Rochette. I hope when I’m reaching 60, I’ll have as many awesome accomplishments as Meryl Streep, or perhaps simply just be starting out on my major one, like Julia Child. We might not get to rock the red carpet boat like Gabourey Sidibe with some stunning non-sample size gowns, or skate short track like Apolo Ohno, but we can find the statuettes and medals in our own accomplishments.
(02/17/10 5:52am)
Like many of you all, I read The New York Times last week.Of course I read “The New Math on Campus.” But further down the front page of the Sunday Styles section, there was another article that caught my eye.Below the photograph of one Chapel Hill table’s 1:6 male-to-female ratio was a picture of a woman sitting alone. The accompanying article, “Southern Discomfort,” profiled Jenny Sanford, the soon-to-be ex-wife of S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford.For those who don’t remember from last June, Mark Sanford admitted to traveling to Argentina to “hike the Appalachian trail” (as the kids are calling it these days) with a woman who was not Mrs. Sanford. Since then, the first couple of South Carolina have decided to divorce.As shown by the comments and letters that have been printed on the DTH opinion page, many people were shocked by some of the quotes in the UNC piece. “If you don’t let [cheating] slide, you don’t have a boyfriend,” was the one that made me pause.But I wasn’t angered or embarrassed by these admissions. In many ways, it was refreshing to hear some of the thoughts and opinions that may only be whispered among best girlfriends after a few drinks. Though the article may not reflect most UNC students or even the young women featured in it, there is something to be said for the effort and sacrifice that many women will put into, and put up with, fitting into a man’s world.Our cultural systems — academics, business, marriage and dating, to name a few — have expectations, traditions and even laws dictating how things run. For hundreds of years, men were the ones largely shaping them, until women gained greater access and equality in these fields and institutions. But the numbers have changed more quickly than the rules.Peering up from the lower fold, Jenny Sanford seems to be looking at a younger version of herself. What advice would she give?When she was just a few years older than the featured UNC students, she ended her New York investment banking career to move to South Carolina to help manage her husband’s campaigns and later raise their four sons.And in no way do I consider her choices a “waste” of her potential or her Georgetown University degree, nor do I think she does. But, I argue, her sacrifices to create and support their family were more than her husband’s.And when push came to shove, they decided to end their marriage. I cannot judge their decision; the details are private and should remain so. But I do admire Mrs. Sanford’s response when asked about her husband’s affair: “His loss.”That confidence — yes, even the tears that welled in her eyes when she said so — is what I wish for every person, especially for anyone who feels that “The New Math” speaks to their experience. The sacrifice and commitment from both parties in relationships is what makes them one of the hardest, most frustrating, joyful and fulfilling things we can do.Give yourself — your talents, your energy, your strengths — freely, openly and often to people. But don’t give up your true self in the process.
(01/29/10 4:50am)
In 1982, Scott Brown, a 22-year-old law student from Boston College, posed nude in a Cosmopolitan Magazine centerfold. He described himself as “a bit of a patriot,” but with a well-placed arm, he kept any bits of his patriot shielded from the camera.Nearly 30 years later, the same Scott Brown ran for the U.S. Senate in Massachusetts and won. When asked about his modeling past by the Boston Globe, he explained away any outcry with the following quote: “You don’t see anything.”What’s really on display are the different standards set for men and women today in public office. A woman would never been able to do what he did and still make it to Washington.In 1982, Martha Coakley was an associate at a law firm in Boston. Imagine if, to pay off her law school student loans (the main reason, Brown said, that he appeared in Cosmo), she had worked as an exotic dancer. What if in a moment of fun or silliness — or even in all sincerity — she had posed for a pictorial in some Boston University short-shorts for a Girls of the Eastern College Athletic Conference photo spread?Females in positions of power are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Their hair and clothes can be deemed too sexy, too dowdy, too expensive, too masculine or too feminine. We’re told as women that we can do anything if we put our brilliant minds to it, but it seems that a little winking and flirting will get you a hell of a lot further in terms of popularity. (I’m looking at you, Ms. Palin.)And although I’m sure some people chose their vote after seeing Brown and his Cosmo-approved “stimulus package,” men running for office are generally assessed by their ideas and values first — even if they are overweight, pale or sporting an impressive set of jowls. Although it’s not impossible to succeed, women have a trickier tightrope to walk regarding their appearance and actions.But Brown did have a line he wouldn’t cross: “It’s Cosmo, not Playgirl,” he said. (Once again, imagine a female candidate saying, “It’s Maxim, not Playboy,” and not getting raked over the coals.) We’ve stripped beauty queens of titles, however, and chastised actresses because of nude pictures.And with some more boyish charm, Scott Brown joked during his acceptance speech that his daughters were “available.” Yet during the 2008 presidential primaries, MSNBC correspondent David Shuster said Chelsea Clinton was being “pimped out” for Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Why the difference?In many ways, Brown’s decision as a young adult not having to define his career choices is a welcome one. Thank God we’re not all held to the choices we made when we were 22. But when we’re holding some people to certain standards and others not, it’s important to speak up and ask questions.Many might say Brown’s words and actions fall under the excuse of “boys being boys,” a catch-all phrase intended to explain away any behavior that disrupts without explicitly causing harm.But women don’t get as wide a net; their actions are either good or bad. And according to society, no “good girl” worthy of running for senator would ever do such a “bad” thing as pose nude.
(01/13/10 5:04am)
When asked to return for a second semester of column writing for The Daily Tar Heel, I considered whether the campus still needed a voice on women and gender issues. Had everything already been said? Was it time for different voices and different issues? Over the break, stories showed that issues surrounding gender in our society are still at the top of news stories, legislations and people’s minds. From environmental summits in Copenhagen discussing our expanding populations and need for resources, to New Jersey senators debating same-sex marriage, to Tiger Woods’ affairs and subsequent hiatus from the PGA tour, the world grapples with these issues daily. But what about here on campus? I simply turned to reader responses in my e-mail to know that there are still discrepancies on this issue. “I’m sorry if you have bad encounters with the male sex and have been made fun of,” wrote one student in response to “Slurs only reinforce gender labels” (Sept. 9).“But there are plenty of dumb bitches who make fun of guys like it’s there (sic) job. Next issue, how bout you go to a sorority house and write down all the negative things they say. Don’t be one sided when writing, keep an open mind, and I’m sure you will be a whole lot more successful.” “I wanted to write you and let you know that your article, ‘Slurs only reinforce gender labels’ opened my eyes even wider to the inappropriateness and potential hurtfulness of gender labeled slurs … I suppose my success in changing will be seen in my daughter and her learning and understanding her strength and worth as a woman.” Halloween costume suggestions, “Costume should be about you, not crowd,” (Oct. 16) grew cheers from some and jeers from others:“One of the grave violations committed by many writers in our society is the denial of women’s sexuality. I don’t appreciate your perpetrating the idea, in today’s DTH column, that women only dress in a sexual manner in order to please others. When I let my ‘inner kitty-cat’ run free, it is a legitimate expression of my own sexual freedom. It’s not acceptable to society that I let the sex-kitten within me show herself in the everyday world, where I am expected to be aloof and professional.”My column, “‘Mad Women’ and the pay gap,” (Sept. 22) brought in other examples of discrimination in the not too distant past:“In 1964, my mom wasn’t allowed to attend her senior year of high school — or graduate — because the school board saw her wedding announcement in the paper and threw her out; she wasn’t even pregnant. The boys who got married, of course, were allowed to stay. F-ed up!” And abortion funding created a lengthy discussion on the DTH Web site as well as mostly positive e-mails: “Thank you so much for writing that column in today’s paper … I find it sadly amusing that for a group of people hell bent on blocking any kind of ‘government interference’ in health care, they seem to be pretty okay with interfering in health care.” My goal in writing this column is not to transform the campus to my line of thinking; that is both impossible and unhelpful. But I choose to highlight the issues and causes I do in hopes that people start talking: for or against, confused or with clarity, with surprise or with indifference.
(12/04/09 4:59am)
Everything I know about diet and exercise I learned from magazines.From years of casual research and exposure, I can tell you with little pause how many calories are in certain foods and what activities will burn them off.I learn more every time I pass the newest periodicals at the grocery store, the bookstore, the airport and Student Stores, often without even turning a page.“Get Total Body Confidence: Great Abs, Butt and Legs by New Year’s.”“Get Rid of Muffin Top.”“Burn More Fat.”“Willpower 101.”I read these headlines while standing outside the Bull’s Head Bookshop this week, though I could have read them last month or last year. I’ve seen variations on the same themes since I was old enough to read.I know these ideas are presented as options and opportunities, but sometimes they seem more like commands and criticism. Like a voice is telling me that even if I am satisfied and happy with my work as a student, sister, friend and daughter, none of my achievements are as important as a trim physique.And most of the time, I take it with a grain of salt. But how many photos with circled cellulite, tips for “make him swoon” hair and “lose this much by this time” headlines can we stand?Women’s Wear Daily recently quoted supermodel Kate Moss as living by the motto, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”Naturally, reactions to such a twisted statement were strong — including mine. But at the same time that my feminist objections reared their heads, I had to make an embarrassing admission. There was some truth to that statement for me.I feel pretty good about myself most of the time. But I’ve stared at my body thinking that if my legs were longer or hair shinier or I had less armpit pudge when I wear tank tops, I’d feel even better.I like to think I’m above all the hype and worry, but I’ve cried when I couldn’t zip up a bridesmaid dress I wore three years ago.I want to be valued for my mind, not my body, but damn, did it feel good when I could button my skinny jeans again.We talk about eating disorders. We recognize disordered eating and exercising on campus, in our friends and maybe even in ourselves. But what about disordered valuing? What does it mean that America’s stores sell millions of dollars’ worth of food with zero caloric and energy content, and yet people still go hungry? How can we have people on both sides of the weight spectrum loathing their bodies? How do I know so much about crunches and so little about Afghanistan?I’m not saying we shouldn’t celebrate our bodies and enjoy looking good (see Justin Chandler Wilcox for that one.) But we can be educated about what goes into our bodies and our minds.I saw a talk given by Eve Ensler years ago, and she said that if women channeled the energy they used for fretting about their bodies into world peace, we’d be at a United Nations campfire sing-a-long by now, hitting the later verses of “Kumbaya.” While we’ve been slicing and dicing, painting and plucking, squeezing and slimming our bodies to meet others’ standards, bits of life pass us by. And those individual experiences add up to a world of lost opportunity.
(11/13/09 4:33am)
Saturday, the House passed a health care reform bill with a stipulation that no federal money can be used to pay for abortions.An amendment would ban coverage of abortions for those who enroll in a new government-funded insurance plan and those who qualify for government subsidies to buy private policies. Abortion coverage would be allowed in cases of rape or incest and to save a woman’s life.Women can choose to buy a separate abortion coverage plan using their own money.Why should my hard-earned tax dollars pay for some other woman’s abortion?Because I support a woman’s right to choose.Because I trust women of all ages, races, nationalities, sexual orientations and socioeconomic statuses to make the decision that is best for them, their families and their circumstances.Because a woman shouldn’t be denied a legal health procedure because she can’t pay for it. (An abortion can cost anywhere from $350 to $900 in the first trimester, not including complications.)Because pregnancy should not be a threat or a punishment for being sexual.Because a pregnancy should not be something to fear.Because the seriousness of choosing to have a child or not cannot be decided by splitting hairs on the floor of Congress.Because even though the government health plan covers abortions of pregnancies resulting from rape, what if the attacker is my husband?Because a woman is more than a vessel for children and a man is more than a sower of them.Because abortion isn’t always the answer.Because I want a doctor who can concentrate on my needs, rather than regulations or a pay plan.Because programs that provide important health services for women should not be restricted simply because they give women all their options for family planning, including abortion.Because many women are sexually active.Because you are a sexually active woman. Or might be in the future.Because accidents happen — condoms break, pills are forgotten — but they don’t have to define a person forever.Because you have had an abortion. Or thought about it. Or know someone who has.Because abortions are more common than you think. (Planned Parenthood says one in three women have an abortion by the time they are 45 years old.)Because abortions should not be secret, and pregnancies should not be shameful.Because I value women’s lives; if someone chooses this procedure, I want it done safely, with both her physical and mental health as a top concern and in the best hands.Because I value women’s potential and their futures — in careers, in families — and want them to have every opportunity to reach them in their own way, on their own time, and on their own terms.
(11/04/09 4:17am)
Jessica Fuller is asSecond-year journalism graduate student from Greensboro. Email her at jvfuller@gmail.com
(10/16/09 4:07am)
Ah, Halloween. Less than half a month away. The time of year when a girl’s inner kitty-cat prostitute can run free.It isn’t so much that I’m against sexy bees/nurses/Eskimos/fire hydrants/whatever, it’s more that they’re so uninspired. A shortened hem and a pair of fishnets does not a costume make.A woman who follows the list below may not get the catcalls, but she’s guaranteed to have a blast all her own.Lisa Simpson: One of the most underappreciated female role models out there. She’s smart, stands up for what’s right and can wail on a sax. Rock a strapless red dress and some pearls, then add some yellow triangles to a headband for her trademark hairdo. Those up for a bigger challenge can tackle Marge, although it will most likely involve chicken wire and copious amounts of blue paint. (And don’t say she isn’t sexy — she’s Playboy’s cover girl this month.)Annie Hall: The title character of 1977’s Best Picture Oscar winner covers two of my costume requirements — comfortable shoes and temperature-appropriate gear. Stilettos can get you to Rosemary and back once — tops. And the party’s over when the temperature drops and you have to beg a fleece off someone. Annie wears the pants without sacrificing her wily female ways.The Supremes: Not Diana Ross and Co. — unless you’ve got three matching sequined dresses and some advanced hairstyling ability. In that case, go for it. If not, find your high school graduation robe, add a toilet paper collar and voila! You’re Ruth Bader Ginsburg! Or go the wise Latina route as Justice Sonia Sotomayor.Nancy Drew: Speaking of Sotomayor, Nancy Drew was her favorite book growing up. Break in that sweater set you bought for internship interviews and go as a Franklin Street sleuth. The Case of Where-the-Hell-Did-My-Friend-Just-Go-I-Swear-She-was-Just-Here might be a tough one to crack, but it’s far easier than understanding the plans of the non-costumed weirdos videotaping from the sidewalk.Hilarious: Can’t break out of the sexy rut? Put on some fishnets and leather boots, provoke your mane into fabulous blonde curls and write “SLUT” on a red tank top. The genius part — you’re not! You’re just Lindsay Bluth Fünke from Arrested Development!Historical: Still have an itch to rock that corseted getup? Fine, put on the bunny ears and the bow tie and start serving cocktails. But you’ve got more than an uncomfortable push-up bra underneath that Playboy Bunny outfit. Channel Gloria Steinem on assignment for her undercover reporting on Playboy Clubs, and plan on using the inspired quotes you’re sure to collect to write your own revolutionary essay. Remember as a girl when you planned your costume for weeks? When you couldn’t wait to show it off at school? When the best part of the night was sorting your loot into piles and pigging out on your favorites? Try and bring a little bit of that magic to Franklin Street this year. The whistles and stares are a lot like the candy we feast on: full of sugar but little substance. This Halloween, try dressing for yourself, not for the crowds.
(10/07/09 4:02am)
In an article in The Daily Tar Heel last week, N.C. Pride spokesman Keith Hayes said, “Now the (N.C. Gay Pride) parade is really about celebrating what we have accomplished for gay civil rights — free from fear.” But even with gay marriage legal in four states and Gay-Straight Alliances at hundreds of schools, many people still adopt the quasi-tolerant stance of NIMBY: Not in My Backyard.But what about on your TV?“(The girls) all think (Logan)’s hot,” said Project Runway designer Gordana Gelhausen on this past week’s episode, referring to one of the series’ few resident straight men. “The boys like him as well,” she laughs.But rather than being a show-stopping revelation, her comment was merely another sound bite between Tim Gunn’s “Make it work!” and Heidi Klum’s “Auf Wiedersehen.”Television has helped gay become OK.One of the first gay recurring characters on a popular prime-time show was played by Billy Crystal on the late-1970s sitcom “Soap.” Since then, shows like “Will and Grace,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Sex and the City” allow people to get to “know” a person who is homosexual.Reality TV helps take those sitcom caricatures and show the real-life stories. Danny Roberts on “The Real World: New Orleans” created shock waves when he came out to his housemates. This happened not only because he did not “look” gay, but mostly because it really was not that big of a deal. For straight viewers, he provided an education on not judging a book by its cover. For viewers struggling with their sexuality, he gave them hope.Twelve years ago, when much of the undergraduate population here was still in elementary school, Ellen DeGeneres came out on her television sitcom as well as on the cover of Time with the famous quote, “Yep, I’m gay.” For a few years, her sexuality was the first topic of discussion in most interviews or profiles. But now she is “Talk Show Host Ellen” or “Next American Idol judge Ellen” or even “Just Ellen” before she is “Gay Ellen.”When Adam Lambert came out on the cover of Rolling Stone, he said his sexuality is “just another part of me,” not something he has ever hidden nor needs to announce. If Lambert came walking through the Pit in a white suit and rhinestones on his eyelids, he might garner some stares and some whispers of, “Do you think he’s … gay?” But from the comfort of our couches, people are “safe” to enjoy his performances. Neil Patrick Harris. Portia de Rossi. Suze Orman. T.R. Knight. Cynthia Nixon. Pedro Zamora. Tom Ford. Ian McKellen.When you hear these names, do you think about them being gay? Or about what they’ve accomplished?Chris Rock once said that equality in baseball was only achieved once there were bad black baseball players in the major leagues.In accepting gays — virtual or not — one has to allow for failure. Gay marriage is going to create gay divorce. For every gay politician fighting the good fight, there’s going to be one that’s corrupt. A true victory will be when we don’t judge people based on whom they choose to be romantic with, but rather, as a wise man once said, by the content of their character.
(09/22/09 3:08am)
This Sunday, AMC’s “Mad Men” won its second consecutive Emmy for best drama series. For those unfamiliar, “Mad Men” chronicles the goings-on in a New York ad agency in the 1960s; millions tune in each week to see the staff of Sterling Cooper plan pitches, chain smoke, pinch secretary fannies and barrel unaware toward some of the greatest cultural shifts in history. The show seems to be set in a charming time that belongs to our parents and grandparents. Viewers may tune in for the fashion, the martinis or Jon Hamm in a gray flannel suit, but I watch for the reminder of the opportunities we almost didn’t have.When my mother went to her high school guidance counselor in 1964, she was given three choices for a career: a nurse, a teacher or a secretary. Or she could get married. “That’s just how it was,” she says now. My mom was the vice president of the student council in high school but didn’t run for president because, well, girls didn’t run for president. That’s just how it was. She was on the cheerleading squad because that was the only athletic option for girls. That’s just how it was. Looking at our campus today, it’s hard to imagine a time when Tobin Heath couldn’t play soccer or Jasmin Jones couldn’t be student body president. But only a generation ago, “that’s just how it is” was just how it was.Over three seasons on “Mad Men,” the character Peggy Olson has moved from secretary to junior copywriter to writer, yet is still paid less than her male counterparts. On a recent episode, she informs her boss of a little something known as the Equal Pay Act of 1963. “I’m paid very little,” she says calmly and confidently. “They’ve passed a law where women who do the same work as men will get paid the same thing. Equal pay.” His response? “It’s not a good time.”This abnormality seems as vintage as her flip hairdo and A-line skirt. Yet according to a study released two years ago by the American Association of University Women Educational Foundation, after one year out of college, women working full time earn 80 percent of what men earn. After a decade, it drops another 11 percentage points. Obviously, various factors play into these numbers, including choices of occupation and time taken off for child-rearing. But the point remains: Even today, even with almost 60 percent of the UNC’s student population being women, even with women heading up everything from construction crews to the U.S. House of Representatives, women on average are not paid the same as men. When denied her raise and asked what she really wants, Peggy replies, “I look around and I think: I want what [you] had. You have everything and you have so much of it.” Both men and women benefit from having strong women as mothers, colleagues and partners. To whom much has been given, much is expected. We cannot forget those who made the changes toward the betterment of our opportunities and who continue seeking equality for those who come after us. The next time you sit down with your mother or grandmother or professor, ask them how things were back in their “Mad Men” days.You may first covet their closets, but hopefully it is their courage you’ll want to wear around more.
(09/09/09 3:02am)
There was no doubting this past weekend that Carolina football had begun.I could barely see the field through the sea of powder blue, but my ears assured me that the athletic season was in full swing. Over the marching band blaring the fight song and the helmets cracking on the gridiron, I heard the traditional call of the Tar Heel fan: “Hey Citadel, you suck!”Of course, what exactly The Citadel was sucking was rarely specified, but I’m pretty sure most fans knew which direct object followed.Over the course of the game, I heard a few more gendered terms from the stands, some directed at the field and some general banter in the bleachers: “That play was so gay”; “Quit playing like a girl”; “We got totally raped by them last year”; “The coach is going to have their ass after that play”; “Their cheerleaders are so ugly I wouldn’t be surprised if they have testicles”; and, my favorite, “Quit being a fag and go get me a Coke.”I know that when fans say something is gay, they don’t actually mean that it is literally homosexual. I know people who say, “She’s such a bitch,” and don’t actually mean a female dog. But this type of language carries undertones which perpetuate the message that the female is less than the male.Phrases like “Don’t be a skirt” express a cultural understanding that feminine things are weaker and less valued. Phrases like “Grow a pair” carry an undertone that people who are smaller or in a subservient position are somehow more feminine.A feminine man is broken or weak. And a woman who is masculine does not gain the status of men, but rather the scorn of being ugly and undesirable.Masculine things win out even when, in reality, they don’t at all. A woman passes a 10-pound baby through her vagina, and yet a being called a pussy would incite riots among most men. A man gets hit in the balls and he’s curled up in pain on the ground, hoping at the very least that it will get him on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” And yet we still give praise by saying, “You’ve got balls.”This weekend, when fans shouted, “You suck, Citadel,” it was meant to offend the opposing players. But really who it does and should offend are females, the group who is traditionally and anatomically in that position. Though fans don’t mean it literally, the language does: Being feminine is less.And besides being derogatory, sputtering out a reference to the petite nature of someone’s genitalia or the grandiose size of one’s own is overdone and uncreative. Booooring. We’re one of the best schools in the county and all we can think of is to wave our arm up and down and chant, “You suck”?We would never allow this type of language if it involved someone’s race or nationality. Feminizing the other team, resorting to genitalia talk, using rape as a symbol of dominance and throwing around homophobic slurs limits everyone. Don’t be content with “It’s no big deal … I don’t really mean it … It’s how it’s always been.”People won’t risk anything outside of their expected gender roles if ridicule accompanies it.
(08/25/09 12:46am)
There’s a new display in the front window of Student Stores. UNC sweatshirts hang on mannequins and attractive models sport Tar Heel emblazoned tote bags. But this one has an extra element unseen before on campus: the pictures of the factory workers who spun, dyed, sewed, silk screened, ironed and packaged the Carolina blue clothes which hang on gold hangers just inside the doors.