23 reasons why North Carolina > Oregon: a clapback article
UNC and The University of Oregon face off Saturday night in The Final Four. In preparation for the game, their state paper (The Oregonian) listed 21 reasons why the state of Oregon is better than North Carolina. It was all in good fun, which they admitted and which the editors at Swerve appreciate.
But in the March Madness spirit, I wrote a clapback of 23 reasons (because of the GOAT Michael Jordan) why North Carolina is better than Oregon. Enjoy, friends.
1) We have sweet tea.
Because tea that doesn’t also kind of taste like syrup is just un-American.
2) We also have Cheerwine and Pepsi.
Refer to number one and replace tea with soda.
The Oregonian had beer on its list too, but anyone who has visited Charlotte, Asheville or Durham knows North Carolina wins in that area. We have over 200 breweries in our state and Oregon has 230 brewing companies as of the beginning of this year. While Portland, Ore. has more breweries than any other city in the world — 52 as of 2013 — we have to remember that quality is more important than quantity here, folks. And North Carolina beer just keeps getting better, as NC legislators recently introduced a bill proposing an expansion of craft-brewer production. Plus, April 1 kicks off NC Beer Month and April 1 is the day we play — coincidence? I think not.
4) Cook Out.
Now that I’m done discussing all the delicious drinks that those Oregonians are missing out on, let’s move onto the finer things in life, like Cook Out. North Carolina has 88 of them with one on the way, while Oregon is stuck over there with TacoTime and Burgerville — which is actually based out of Washington state.
5) Tar Heels > Ducks
I really don’t feel the need to explain this one.
6) We have Michael Jordan.
Yes, Oregon, you may have Nike, but we have Jordan. Need I say more?
Whether you like Smithfield's Chicken ‘N Bar-B-Q, Danny’s Bar-B-Que, The Pit Authentic Barbecue or your own homemade recipe, we can all agree that North Carolina has the better barbecue.
8) Southern hospitality.
If you have a bad day in North Carolina, you can almost guarantee someone will fix you sweet potato pies saying “bless your heart” until the cows come home.
9) Because it’s Oregon.
Sorry, I had to.
10) Our jerseys are prettier.
Seriously, who decided on the neon yellow and evergreen color combo? It needs to go.
11) We don’t live on top of a volcano.
Safety first, my friends.
12) We have more "American Idol" winners.
That’s right, three of the 15 winners are from here, while Oregon has a total of zero. Way to represent, Oregon.
(Fun fact: Scotty McCreery actually filmed this video in the Outer Banks.)
13) Our military presence.
We have all the bases — Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines. If you can name it, we have it. Oregon has four and we have eight. Take that, Oregon.
14) Because it’s Oregon.
This deserves to be on the list twice. At least.
15) We can say y’all and not feel weird.
I have adopted this word into my vocabulary recently, and I love it. It fits in well with that Southern belle accent people say I have.
16) We have the mountains AND the beach.
OK, OK, Oregon has these too, but at least our water actually gets warm enough in the summer to swim in.
17) Zach Galifianakis.
Fun fact: he’s from North Carolina!
18) We were one of the 13 original colonies.
Oregon definitely was not. (Also, California is not the best state in the 50 nifty United States).
Sure, Oregon played host to the movie "Free Willy," but us North Carolinians live in the same state where "Dirty Dancing" and "The Hunger Games" were filmed. Oregon, don't put North Carolina in a corner.
20) Technology and innovation.
North Carolina's Research Triangle Park (RTP) is home to over 200 research companies, while our very own UNC is host to 2015 Nobel Prize winner Aziz Sancar.
21) We have Luke Maye.
If you didn’t see that shot he took last game, you need to really start paying attention to this whole March Madness thing. There’s memes and everything. Just saying.
22) NCAA statistics.
This is Oregon’s second trip to the Final Four — the last time was 1939. UNC has been 20 times, including last year when we beat Syracuse 83-66. ‘Nuff said.
23) Because it’s Oregon.
Last time, I promise.